tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post1757233429351615133..comments2024-03-17T12:36:51.212-04:00Comments on Caitlyn's Masks: [Question] I'm very supportive of his dressing...Caitlyn Maskedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02732033913089350905noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-57204203321745178952012-10-21T17:31:33.707-04:002012-10-21T17:31:33.707-04:00I have to say, I agree with below! You are rather ...I have to say, I agree with below! You are rather amazing. When my girlfriend found out last year she actually told me to stop it or never let her see. So hearing that you're supportive and as you are about this, i'm actually really glad to see there are people like you out there!Brookenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-72641835047650713532012-10-12T16:27:44.112-04:002012-10-12T16:27:44.112-04:00It is a very difficult thing to open up to another...It is a very difficult thing to open up to another person about these issues. I don't want to paint with a broad brush here because we are all so different, even when we are much the same. So, keep in mind that what I say here is from my perspective and experience and may or may not apply to varying degrees to your situation. <br /><br />At a very young age, I became well practiced at the art of deception...it was necessary in order to maintain a sense of self and to, at the same time, maintain an image of normalcy. For many years I kept it all completely to myself...and while I was probably considered to be odd, preferring to paint deer rather than to kill them and so on...I don't think anyone really guessed what was behind it. I was an artsy type, overly sensitive...they all expected me to be different. So, I stayed hidden in plain sight, and only started probing the possibility of sharing how I felt after I had moved away to college. Even then, I only danced around the edges...my friends were largely theater and art orientated...you would think it would be easy to let them in...it was not. Theater, did however give me an excuse for having makeup...whew. It was several years later, when I was in a long term relationship with my later to be first wife that I eventually, with much difficulty opened up. I felt that I had to in fairness let her know who it was that she was really involved with. She was accepting and even understanding...but it was still incredibly difficult and it took a long time before I let my guard down...mostly down anyway. There were a lot of half truths in the beginning...I couldn't just throw the door wide open...and then there was the issue of what I really understood about myself. I realized that it was hard to explain with any honesty how I felt about many things, because I just wasn't sure. Sometimes what seemed like the truth at the moment was in question later. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00838373813758766367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-10352767800738605842012-10-10T20:36:36.101-04:002012-10-10T20:36:36.101-04:00Kim - As a CD ventures into the online world with ...Kim - As a CD ventures into the online world with images of self it tends to happen that others on line tend to encourage the showing of face and hair and such in the images which prior may have been more anonymous in the way of showing only the below neck area. The fantasy part of the feminine role of the CD is such that encouragement to PASS as a female in that cross dressed role is generally so pleasing that they often do end up showing face once they feel they pass well enough and also look different enough via makeup and wigs and such .. that they are not identifiable as the same person as they are when dressed masculine. This is likely the case with his now sharing his head as well in the images. <br /><br />-MonicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-4425231301944239962012-10-10T20:20:57.509-04:002012-10-10T20:20:57.509-04:00Thank you, Jenna. Yes, there is a lot of illusion...Thank you, Jenna. Yes, there is a lot of illusion in his online world. He takes amazing pics of himself and knows how to pose for maximum effect. He also enjoys all of the juicy comments he receives from his admirers. When we first discussed his accounts and online pics (before he shut down all of those accounts), he sheepishly (yet proudly) confessed that he had been invited to receive free flights to meet other men or TGs out of state. Of course, he grinned and said "it's just fantasy. I'd never fly out or meet them." But that was also when he took pics not showing his head. Now that he has a wig and has practiced with make up, he's showing that in his pics, too. So, for me, it no longer has that veil of anonymity (even though his femme pics don't look anything like his masculine side).<br /><br />**Sigh**. I hope the virtual stuff remains virtual and not physical. If he wants to share the pics and comments with me, that's another thing. As a matter of fact, we could utilize that in sexifying some of our experiences together! But carrying this on in private feels like cheating :(<br /><br />Whatever else you can add, I appreciate it. Thank you!Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-90637006742028203642012-10-10T20:12:50.618-04:002012-10-10T20:12:50.618-04:00Monica - Thank you for your in-depth explanation o...Monica - Thank you for your in-depth explanation of the varying reasons why men CD. Perhaps if you read my reply to Kyra, it will explain how I believe my SO utilizes CD.<br /><br />Yes, I think that this is a small window of opportunity he is extending to me to see him en femme in public for his first time. He's fantasized about it (at least to other CDs during chat time) and I hope it brings him comfort. As for the sexual component of it?...I hope you're right. It makes sense TO ME that he wouldn't be with another man (even while in the persona of a TG) but, like I've said, he has had sexual chats with other CDTGs where they share the size of their penis' and make comments about how delicious it is. You see, THAT'S what I can't compete with. I don't have the dangles down there and if he desires it, then he could get it satisfied but it's away from our relationship which is NOT what I want. I hope you're right that it is just fantasy chat and not something he would act upon. (hands together and praying with a sigh)<br /><br />Finally, again, you're right (along with others) that I invaded his privacy. He knew that I knew about his accounts but I don't think he knew I knew the actual account name. That would be a bit of a slap to the cheek to see an email from your SO in your inbox....especially when you keep it private from anyone else you know if your "real" world. I hope that he does continue to let me closer to his femme side. There's not a lot within our relationship that could continue to develop if he doesn't :( Then neither of us would be true to ourselves as individuals or a couple.<br /><br />Thank you Monica :) I appreciate your help!Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-49639917681566021662012-10-10T20:01:39.559-04:002012-10-10T20:01:39.559-04:004) I completely agree with you and the virtual wor...4) I completely agree with you and the virtual world. Yes, his sex chats are fantasy and, perhaps, because his femme side is doing the chatting then that means he's still being faithful to me while SHE is having her desires fulfilled. I'm not sure if you caught it, but now that he has his wig, he feels he is complete for going out. He wants to go to a CD bar and have a drink with his wife (me) and be in the company of other CDTGs. I'm fine with this. But I'm afraid his femme side will start flirting with the crowd or seek an experience I'm not ready (or wanting) introduced into OUR relationship. <br /><br />This is delicate territory because it's not what every couple goes through. If we were a "traditional" couple and he started flirting or had other intentions while we were out, I'd kick him to the curb. However, this is different and that's why I'm asking for your help and support. To my knowledge, he's always been faithful to me (sans the sex chats) but this has a whole different set of rules or elements to it for which I'm trying to balance and understand.<br /><br />5) You're right again, my friend. It IS frightening to have someone ask something so personal and confusing when even you don't understand it all. How selfish of me not to think of it that way. Little by little, he has opened up INCHES about who he is under the facade of what most people know him to be. I've been understanding and accepting of all of it and just assume that he can rip the curtain down and let it all out to me because I'll be here to love and hug him through it all. But that's a pretty big risk. From my perspective, it feels like he doesn't trust ME enough to love him through it which is a quick reverse kick to MY gut that, perhaps, I'm not worthy of the full-on exposure.<br /><br />Kyra, you are wonderful for taking the time to write your thoughts to me....AND FROM A PHONE no less!!! Thank you, dear <3Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-71387011290105992532012-10-10T20:01:20.772-04:002012-10-10T20:01:20.772-04:00Kyra - Thank you. To start with your points, I ag...Kyra - Thank you. To start with your points, I agree with you in many ways. 1) I believe that his CDing has a sexually arousing component to it. It's not like Brooke's where it's "just comfortable". He gets aroused thinking about dressing, seeing himself dressed as well as seeing other CDTGs in femme dress. 2) I don't think he expected (in a 100 years) that I, or any other GG, would be accepting or supportive of this. <br /><br />Without going into too much detail, as soon as he came out to me, he broke up with me. However, on the turn of his heels, he also came back to me but with distance that we've worked on over the past two years. Over these two years, he only recently let me in on the fact that he not only purged, but also started up again because he "missed it" (dressing like a girl and feeling those feelings again). <br /><br />He has modeled his new purchases for me (that I helped him with while shopping TOGETHER) but he did not want to dress for ME. I asked him if he would like to get all sexy for me, to which he replied "if I want to get sexy for you, I will do that as a man. I get sexy for ME when I dress like a girl." At that point, I realized that he doesn't want me involved with him in a sexual manner when he is en femme. Yes, I think I was a little too enthusiastic in my support. Here's another story to back up my feeling..<br /><br />This became clear when I asked him if he was interested in us introducing a strap on. He was (!) and I was giddy as a school girl...with way too much giddy. As we were leaving for the adult store, he confessed that he used to have a dildo. I was kind of turned on and excited at the thought that he had already introduced himself to backend play and, in my typical overenthusiastic mood, he got upset and said he didn't want to do this (go shopping) and that I "wasn't ready for this". Personally, I think it was HE who wasn't ready for introducing that element into our relationship, but maybe others may chime in with their opinions. <br /><br />In either event, I'd like this to change. I'd like for him to know that I'm not only open and supportive of him but that I'd like him to share more of his desires from his femme side with ME and not the online world. I hope so. I really do because in my heart of hearts, I believe that this will strengthen and deepen our relationship. If not, then it will be the thorn that festers and breaks us apart. Which leads me to the next... <br /><br />3) I never really thought of the online community as a security blanket but you're right. The element of sharing a side where the online users don't know your personal background, often times they don't know what your masculine face looks like is the mask Caitlyn talks about. It's easy for him to take a break from his reality and feel some liberation of his desirables (although that's another point to discuss). I believe you also said that these communities never ask "WHY" you're there (or any other imposing questions outside of sexually induced chats/comments). You're right, he has to explain things to me (good, bad or indifferent) whereas the online community doesn't want or require it.<br /><br />Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-46738347466233803952012-10-10T19:22:24.395-04:002012-10-10T19:22:24.395-04:00Wow. To hear that I'm "amazing" fro...Wow. To hear that I'm "amazing" from you and Caitlyn really means the world to me even though it feels more like I"m trying to push his door down. I hope to have some positive news in the near future (hands together, praying).Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-39166908872943353802012-10-10T19:20:29.000-04:002012-10-10T19:20:29.000-04:00I appreciate your support, Brooke. Perhaps you...I appreciate your support, Brooke. Perhaps you'll have more answers for yourself as time goes on. Until then, thank you!Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-73326313529685757072012-10-09T11:22:16.336-04:002012-10-09T11:22:16.336-04:00Caitlyn - I am pleased to have been able to help.
...Caitlyn - I am pleased to have been able to help.<br /><br />As to the website I am mentioning it's link in a separate note.<br /><br />I knew of your wish to not have your blog used to advertise another place which is why I asked first before placing the link here. I do not believe in placing a link without permission. :) Feel free to save the link and offer it to others either in private of here on your blog should the need arise for such in future.<br /><br />-MonicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-10149466674605974382012-10-09T11:14:51.198-04:002012-10-09T11:14:51.198-04:00Kim - Since Caitlyn said its ok to share the link ...Kim - Since Caitlyn said its ok to share the link to the website I work on .. the link is : <br /><br />http://www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm<br /><br />When the staff ask to do a new member interview feel free to say I sent you .. on the chat I am known as Monica_Jennifer and I am one of the assistant chat directors. The other assistant chat director I mentioned who runs the group for wives of Cross Dressers goes by the name 4MySOJenn_ImMichelle on the chat room. I believe you would find her a valuable resource to speak to.<br /><br />-MonicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-14695965299444745982012-10-09T10:08:05.377-04:002012-10-09T10:08:05.377-04:00I think that there is a lot of earnest and useful ...I think that there is a lot of earnest and useful information flowing from this discussion. I would like to add a little bit... Do not underestimate the power of insecurity. The illusion created by dressing can be fragile. Alone, when the mind is absorbed in fantasy, the illusion can be very powerful. The anonymity of conversation via computer creates a buffer that allows that illusion to flourish. Actual flesh and blood interaction however can bring a host of insecurities crashing down concerning looks, actions, and acceptance...as well as questions about who and what you are, where it is going, even what is real about my life. Oddly, you may be feeling very pretty and happy in your own little world and then if someone actually tells you that you look pretty...well, in creeps the self doubt...I don't know why that happens...it doesn't seem to make sense, but it is kind of like the way you think you look great with a certain hair style or outfit and then later you see a picture and it doesn't at all match the vision of yourself that was in your head. The mind is funny that way. I hope to add more later, but it is way past my be time and my thoughts are wandering. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00838373813758766367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-23454586611440560082012-10-09T07:55:13.438-04:002012-10-09T07:55:13.438-04:00Monica,
First, thank you for your thoughtful resp...Monica,<br /><br />First, thank you for your thoughtful response. You brought up many things that I hadn't even considered. <br /><br />Second, by all means please share the link to website. I don't like people using my blog as a place to advertise, but I wholeheartedly support sharing information that can help people!Caitlyn Maskedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02732033913089350905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-52251137731899763182012-10-09T01:28:43.799-04:002012-10-09T01:28:43.799-04:00Kim -
I would like to also add that I am myself ...Kim - <br /><br />I would like to also add that I am myself a Male to Female Transsexual and work on a support and suicide prevention website for TG folks. We get questions like you presented to Caitlyn quite often. I am not actually listing that website or more detail about it as I do not believe Caitlyn would approve of my doing so, however if I am wrong and Caitlyn says so I am willing to list the link at a later date. I will add that we have as one of my Co Assistant Chat Directors there .. a wife of a Cross Dresser who actually runs a support group there for the wives weekly on the chat. Again I will only list the link if I hear an affirmative from Caitlyn that it is allowed. I do not wish to make Caitlyn upset with me.<br /><br />-MonicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-5449139877714750352012-10-09T01:14:06.230-04:002012-10-09T01:14:06.230-04:00Part 2 of previous post
4. This type is the type ...Part 2 of previous post<br /><br />4. This type is the type whom actually seek feminizing. They may seek it for fantasy of being a shemale like they see in porn (something that is not real in actuality as hormones will remove the ability for erection and actually shrink the penis over time). In porn however the shemale is shown as having erections of a larger sized penis while looking otherwise fully female. The fantasy could be for that. Some however Cross dress because they find the clothes to be of the gender they feel they are inside which is in arrears to their outer body gender. This type is the true transsexual who starts out as a Cross Dresser till they can actually seek help to transition to Female.<br /><br />One thing that may help your spouse to open up more to the idea of sharing some of this with you .. might be assuring him that you will respect his limits whatever they may be in non judging way. Also tell him that you respect that he was not interested in the strap on issue in past and understand now he had no thoughts of being a actual female that way in the Cross Dressing. Assure him that you never will take it further than he is wishing to have it go. This may ease any fears or qualms he has with letting you at least somewhat into his fantasy side or maybe even open the door to his sharing his sexual need while cross dressed with you at home rather than just in on line while you are away.<br /><br />Also I will add that his desires to go to a CD pub or CD bar with you along .. it may be him actually trying to open up in some small way to having you involved. He may need that actual time as one of the girls but want you to be a part of it in that way. He may also be seeking to have you understand that side of him by meeting the others at the pub or bar. You may want to open up discussion a bit on the matter and see if in fact any of that is the true reason he asked you about that.<br /><br />As to your fear that he may later decide to go to such places alone and maybe actually be sexual with some of the other CD folks .. remember that he also said he is not gay as that does pretty much mean its unlikely he will actually do that. The fact he may have said something on a website may in fact be just the fantasy some engage in in a chat mode. In fact that is more likely.<br /><br />As to him being upset and not really replying to your email to his account .. he may just see it as a invasion of his privacy for a part of life he still finds hard to open up about with you actively. Thus the bar deal may in fact be a doorway for you to get closer with him on these issues. Consider it this way hes likely throwing you a bone so to speak and letting you choose whether he opens up more or not regarding this side hes basically been keeping to himself and online while you are away.<br /><br />- Monica<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-33821730524154244012012-10-09T01:13:04.617-04:002012-10-09T01:13:04.617-04:00Kim - First of all my reply will be in multiple pa...Kim - First of all my reply will be in multiple parts .. due to the text size limit of 4096 characters entered per post.<br /><br />Id like to address some of these issues a bit here for you before I actually answer the questions you have. <br /><br />First of all the fact that there are varying reasons that some people actually cross dress.<br /><br />1. Some find it a form of escape from the pressures of a businessman style day. In effect they escape to a temporary feminine side where they can express a side that has less responsibility perhaps as a housewife rather than the businessman. This type of CD is generally not overtly sexual if actually sexual at all, and usually is closeted. The concept of Cross Dressing for them is a venting method of escape from the day pressures of work life rather than anything sexual in nature.<br /><br />2. The Type whom enjoys the cross dressing because they are curious about the other side. Some such may experiment with their sexuality while alone and Cross Dressing but generally are not interested in actually being with another. For them it is just experimenting for curiosity sake and really nothing more.<br /><br />3. The type of CD who may in fact take it from the point of type 1 or type 2 to actually wishing to experiment sexually and takes it to masturbating and may in fact take it at some point to the point of looking at internet porn while cross dressed. Later some such folks even desire to meet others in a chat to discuss passing as a female tips or to discuss why it makes them feel sexy. They may or may not seek to actually physically meet with the other parties in offline life. Generally this type comes to two camps the Type A who is not bisexual nor gay in nature and for the first camp and usually is not interested in meeting others for sexual reasons while cross dressed .. and Type B who in the second camp actually is either Bi in Nature or Gay and will in fact be looking for that sexual Romp. Either type A or B could actually be married as well and wish to not share such with the married partner. The reasons could be as varied as the spouse being outside the fantasy for them of what they have always looked for or fantasized about. Then the fear that in some cases the spouse who may accept may have an ulterior motive for supporting the cross dressing. Such as maybe seeking to feminize them more than just the cross dressing part. They may have read stories on the net about women who pretended to still love their spouse but instead made them take hormones and feminized them as a transsexual and then treated them like less than a spouse while seeking another guy for their relationship. In the case of your spouse he may have had that fear from the point you suggested a strap on. It is a genuine fear for some CD who's spouses suggest such especially if they them self are not bi or gay in nature, but are instead straight.<br />(continued)<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-73922776850480543782012-10-08T21:29:22.892-04:002012-10-08T21:29:22.892-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-51309318724402465262012-10-08T16:14:41.793-04:002012-10-08T16:14:41.793-04:00Hi Kim,
I'm not sure if I'm the best per...Hi Kim,<br /> I'm not sure if I'm the best person to answer, but I want to try and help if I can. Please bear with me if my thoughts seem a little scrambled. Its not easy to edit what I type on my phone and if I put this off I'll likely never get around to it.<br /><br />First, I think I should say a little about myself so you can understand where I'm coming from. Please don't take this to be a reflection of your SO or your relationship. I'm currently a guy who came to this community because I found the thought of feminization arousing. However, since then I've grown to the conclusion that I truly do want to be a girl (but I'll go into that elsewhere). I have also unfortunately gone/am going through a messy breakup of a 4.5 year relationship.<br /><br />I never shared my desires with my ex, at least not outright. I tried approaching the subject gently a few times, each time she got weirded out and I played it off as a joke and steered clear of it for a year or so. I say this so that you (and your SO should he read it) understand how lucky he is to have a gf as open and understanding as you are. However, I should say that while your reaction was the best most of us would hope for, it was likely not the one he was expecting. Its possible that your enthusiasm in exploring this side of him was intimidating. I know hat you love him, and I'm sure he knows that and loves you too. Were I in his shoes however, Id have that little voice of insecurity causing me to doubt your intentions. "She's just saying that to make me feel better." "She feels like she has to do this, she doesn't actually want to." Things like that. <br /><br />As for why he returns to the chatting and cam community that he frequent. You said he started that five years ago, and you've been together for three if I remember correctly. Its possible that his chats have become a sort of security blanket. I can't describe how reassuring it is for me to talk to people in this community, or how much I enjoy being referred to a Kyra. Yet I'm still terrified at the thought of someone I know physically learning of his side of me. <br /><br /> There's a disconnect between the "virtual" world of the internet, and the physical world we inhabit. As such he may not perceive his sex chats as serious or an infidelity as they're only quasi-real. I'm not saying it makes it okay, and if they make you truly uncomfortable you have every right to tell him so. However I would avoid asking him to stop outright, it may make him feel like your forcing him to choose between his femme side an being with you, which is clearly not a choice you want him to make. I'm your to move on before I make that any more confusing.<br /><br />Why does he dress? I don't know. Its a very personal thing and only he can answer that. I know for me, what little dressing I've done just made me feel better. Not aroused, just happy, content and well I just felt more me. Its hard to explain and if you asked I probably couldn't tell you why exactly it makes me feel that way.<br /><br />Oh speaking of why's. Like you, I love to ask why. I thirst to understand. However asking why's of others and asking why's of yourself are very different things. Its a frightening and uncomfortable feeling asking yourself why you do something. So if you ask an he says he doesn't know, he likely hasn't spent the time to asks himself. Which is alright sometimes, but I don't think it would hurt either I you for him to do some introspective exploration.<br /><br />I think that's everything. Again, I'm sorry for the tangled mess of thoughts. Please take what I say with a grain of salt as I can only speak from my own experiences and guess at what your SO might be going through. If you want to ask me anything I'd be happy to try and help. You can reach me at meisslave@gmail.com. Best of luck to you!<br /><3 Kyra Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-88406555998431599522012-10-08T15:35:04.883-04:002012-10-08T15:35:04.883-04:00I think your amazing. I wish my girlfriend could b...I think your amazing. I wish my girlfriend could be as supportive as you. I guess he just needs time, but I honestly think you are a truly lovely human being and your support for him is very moving. Sorry, know its not really any help, Just felt it it had to be said<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3638398317329574756.post-31345785158704764882012-10-08T14:59:14.974-04:002012-10-08T14:59:14.974-04:00Well, I'm a crossdresser myself, hvae been for...Well, I'm a crossdresser myself, hvae been for 6 years now (since i was 11, but don't tell anyone i'm too young to be on here!). I am neither a fully closetted crossdresser, but neither am i one who will wear my dresses and whatnot in public... Yet. I do not wear the clothes i do for either a sexual reason or out of a want to be a woman myself, but more - I find it comfortable. I know i'm probably one of the few who is into the idea purely for this reason (and it DID start out as a slight kink...) But if any advice is wanted from someone different, my email adress is: Brooke.Thomas.TV@gmail.comBrookehttp://www.teencrossdresser.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com