Monday, November 28, 2016
Can you believe it's been Six Years since I opened up Caitlyn's Masks? So much has changed. What I do, how I share it, how I display it, how I create it, how I feel about it.... all of that has changed.
When I first started, I thought my feminine self was me. I made caps and shared them on Rachel's Haven, and then eventually posted them here too. I was still making caps with a tilted image over a text containing background (the cap I made on November 14, 2010 Idealized is a prime example). Almost all of my caps were created for people at the Haven using their preferences as my guide. And I felt that most of my caps were nowhere near good enough. Good... but a far cry from good enough.
Now? Now I feel as though my feminine self is a side of me, but not me. I make the occasional cap but mostly make obscuras and post them all exclusively here. I haven't logged onto the Haven in months, and the last few times I've gone there it was to get preferences for a cap I was making. I don't do much design work at all and when I do it's almost always with the image as a background and a floating text box and title (my most recent cap made on November 17, 2016 Monthly Inspection is a prime example). Almost all of my obscuras are created for myself without any particular target subject in mind. And I feel that the obscuras are fine. They're not art per say, but they're fine.
Most of my feminine energy went into capping with only the occasional role playing. Most of my feminine energy now goes into role playing at D+X with only the occasional obscura or cap.
I was a poor student with a lot of free time on my hands. I'm now a working professional that tries to eek every bit of free time from all my commitments.
I was pushing to get readers over to the Haven. I'm now pushing to get readers over to D+X.
I was reading dozens of cap blogs on a daily basis, many times catching their new caps within an hour of it being posted. I now rarely visit any cap blogs, and will sometimes find caps that are new time but were posted weeks ago.
I had trouble commenting enough even though I had the desire to... and that's really still the same. I probably comment less now and that includes here on my own blog.
I hadn't had a lapse of feeling like Caitlyn when I started this blog and thought she'd be part of me forever. I've now had several lapses including one for a couple years. I no longer count on Caitlyn's presence to be part of me on a daily basis, and wouldn't be surprised if she left to never return again.
The blog itself has gone over several makeovers. I'd actually like to make it more dynamic and interesting now, but I've kind of reached the limit of what I can do with Blogger, and I don't have an interest in learning more or moving the blog to a new platform. So now it's just a minimalist style that let's all of you focus on the pretty pictures.
I've met so many friends here at the blog. I've lost touch with more than I can count, and most of that is my fault for not being more present here. But some of that was those other friends backing away. Jennifer, Smity, Rauk.... three people whose opinions I treasured are now gone. But I still have friends here. Dee, Ian, and Erin are people I adore hearing from.
If I've learned one thing that matters through this six year journey, it's this: Live In The Present! I have no idea what the future will hold. I look forward to living all of those wonderful future 'Now's to their fullest. If that includes making more art (or pseudo art) here, then yay! If that includes me leaving and never returning... then yay to that too! I'm going to let the future take care of itself as it always had and always will.
Lastly, I want to really thank each and every one of you that's reading this. It means the world to me that someone who doesn't know me... someone that wouldn't know me by sight or sound... cares enough to read what ever is rattling around between my ears. Thank You!
Posted at 7:13 AM