Sunday, August 4, 2013

Take me to the place where you go...

...where nobody knows if it's night or day

Week three of the new job (along with the new me) is packed away into the past and I'm excitedly looking forward to celebrating my first month at my new job.  I'm sure soon it will just be 'my job', but for now it's still new.

That week that I've put away didn't include any of Caitlyn.  She's still missed and missing.  I was so busy this week that I didn't even think of this blog from Sunday night until Thursday afternoon.  So, I'm going to continue to proceed to put her things in order and prepare to have this blog be nothing more than memories.

Before I go into what's going to happen, I want to say that I'm in no way completely closing the door on Caitlyn.  She's welcome to return whenever and however she wants.   If this experience has taught me anything, it's that I can't predict the future.  I imagined losing interest in being Caitlyn when I entered a long term relationship with the woman of my dreams.  Her companionship would fuel any fire I had and I would want to direct all of my energies to her.  I never once thought that getting a fulfilling job would be the end of this side of me.  So... this still isn't goodbye.  But I have absolutely no idea if or when 'Caitlyn Masked' will return.

Enough of reminiscing about the past, or wondering about the future... let's talk about the present.  I've said before that I don't want to lose touch with my friends here in the TG capping community (yes Leeanne, you are part of our loving community).  But besides lamenting that I'm no longer Caitlyn (which is quickly sounding like whining!), I don't have a way to really participate.  I do still hit up certain blogs and read up on what's going on, but I don't get enjoyment out of reading the caps any longer.  And while I can comment on the desing and layout of a particular caption, I can't really speak to how well the story impacts me.  If I was honest and put out how I felt, I'd be saying "It really didn't do anything for me" over and over.  It's not a slight in anyway against the captions or their creators... it's just that reading about men turning into girls (willingly or unwillingly) doesn't hold any interest for me any longer.  So even dropping comments is harder than it used to be.  Some blogs it won't be a problem as the posts include a discussion.  Talking about the creation process or talking about something going on in the cappers life... I love to read that and will try my best to respond.  But if you just post a cap... well... I don't have much to say about it any longer.

On the flip side, I want to continue to share my life with all of my friends.  I can do that in a couple ways.  There is of course old fashioned emailing (did I just call email old fashioned!?).  There's YIM, and there's the Haven.  But posting about my RL here while ensuring that I hide my real identity (Ok... that sounds like I'm a superhero) away from any of my RL friends and family would be an exercise in futility.  The very things I would want to talk about would be the exact things that would almost assuredly identify who I really am.  Specifica about my job.... new purchases and experiences... activities that I've participated in... so I can't blog those things in public.

I did think that I could make the blog private.  I haven't looked to much into it, but from my understanding I can make the blog private and only selectively let people in to see it.  The bad side of that is that I'd be hiding away all the caps I've made and ensuring that no one new would ever see them (without digging through the Haven to find them). I don't want to do that.

But this morning it hit me.  I can keep this blog public but make my writing blog private.  If you recall I made 'Caitlyn's Musing' back in January with the intent of writing out my first full fledged story. I made about 14 posts there and made progress toward the story, but never started writing the story itself out.  I don't think anyone is going to miss those posts (and if they do, I can always re-post them here).

This would have several benefits.  First, it would keep my account active.  I believe that so long as I keep my account active, blogger won't delete or remove either blog.  It would keep me coming back and probably inspire me to write an occasional post here at Caitlyn's Masks.  It would let me be frankly open and honest and share more without fear of someone stumbling upon the blog and going... 'Hey... is that THE Calvin that I know!!?'

Sounds like Win-Win-Win to me.

The only thing I would need to know is if anybody would have an interest in reading about these things.  Understand... this wouldn't be me talking about my exploration of Caitlyn.  While her name would stand as the title of the blog, the writings would be almost exclusivly about "Calvin's" life.  

You know... as I consider that question, I realize that it has no value.  I used to keep a diary of sorts... I called it my 'Ramblin' notes as I would just ramble on about anything that caught my interest.  I stopped writing in that about the same time that I started this blog.  I guess sharing Caitlyn's life was a replacement of sorts.  I don't see any reason that I couldn't continue to do the same thing inside of a private blog.  If there is interest, then good... you can keep track of me and we can keep in touch.  If no one is interested... well then I'll just write to myself.  I've done it for a long time in the past and find it both enjoyable and therapeutic.

So with that in mind I don't think I'll be needing a care taker for this blog.  I really REALLY appreciate all the offers to step up and keep an eye on Caitlyn's place while she was away.  It warmed my heart just knowing that I had such caring friends.

I believe I'll start this up next week.  If anybody has any desire to read up on what I posted at Caitlyn's Musings, you'll have that much time before it more or less goes dark.  After that if anybody wants to keep track of my inner and outer musings, you'll have to provide me with your email address so I can add you as a 'reader'.  Don't post your email here in a comment though... no need for that to be posted out in the open.  Instead you can just send it to me in at "caitlynmasked at gmail dot com', or send me a pm at the Haven.  You'll have to be logged into your blogger account to read it, but that's the only security.

The only bona fides I'll ask for is being a member of this community.  I won't just open those doors to anybody and everybody that asks, but if you have a TG capping blog, have commented here (no, not you spammers!), or have an account at the Haven, then I'll open my doors to you.


  1. Will miss your blot.
    I have always enjoyed it and it was one of the ones that I always went to.
    You are a very good writer. And I enjoyed your stories.
    I wish you luck on your future.

  2. Sad, but happy for you Caitlyn.