Monday, October 21, 2013

Parting Gift

A gift for Jennifer?  Or is it for the rest of us?!

OK... so since I've stepped away from being Caitlyn (or is it that Caitlyn left me? Idon'tknow), I've come back a couple times to make caps.  I'd say I came back to answer questions too, but really I wasn't feeling very Caitlynesque when I wrote those.  And while I felt a hint of Caitlyn while I was capping I know that she wasn't really here.  Let's face it, when Caitlyn is in full force she wants to make some HOT captions.

Both Body Sculpting and priorities were fun to write, there were more about me flexing creative muscles.  What I wanted to try this time is to see if I could lure Caitlyn back... even if it's for a short time.  It's not that I have a strong desire to be Caitlyn or even feel that I need her presence in my life... but it's been long enough without her that I'm almost wondering what it felt like.  I mean... sure, I remember feeling good that way, but was it all about sexual energy?  Or was it more complex than that?

So... I decided late last week that I'd try to get her back by making a 'Hawt' caption.  Dee, Steffi, and all my other friends that enjoy more fun or cleanliness in their caps should probably stay away from this as I wrote this story as a pure button pusher.

Here's how I picked out these photos.  As I've mentioned before I still look at at... ahem... enjoy porn.  When I was 'Caitlyn' I'd picture myself as the woman, but now I picture myself the man.  So while browsing through some pictures I tried to re-direct my feelings.  I don't think I could really enjoy myself while imagining myself the woman... and I needed that sexual energy... so what I did was picture myself the man that had just transformed another guy into a woman.  Not a normal sexual fantasy for me, but it would keep me in the TG space that I wanted to be in and at the same time let me get my sexual mood up.

This particular set of images just worked.  In the video of it, the woman is a loving willing partner, but as with most porn sets there were images that could be interpreted as reluctant if not outright forced.  Surprisingly it's the second image that caught my eye first and gave me the basis of this story.  What I saw was our subject going through the motions of a hand job.  She wasn't overly excited about it, but at the same time I got the impression that it was familiar.  I recently had a dream that repeated itself over a few nights and that laid the rest of the groundwork.  She was being transformed in her dreams and had to live the same experience over and over again until she both got the actions right and acted like a girly girl doing it.  I pictured the story covering her waking up, then styling her hair and face, getting dressed (as dressed as she gets anyway!), serving a man breakfast, kneeling down to give him a hand job, giving him a blow job, then finally fucking herself on his cock.

When I went to right the story though I quickly realized that I'd have to keep a lot of the secrets until the last panel.  I figured the 'twist' ending would be that this was really happening and her 'real life' would be the dreams.   But how do I even let that fact out?  At that point I changed gears a bit and added in the two techs.  I figured I could have our subject talking about her 'dreams' while she goes through the oft repeated motions and the techs could talk about what's really happening.

But as I got closer to the ending, I realized that the story more or less had let the twist out too early.  So I went back and started editing.  At this point I had 'Calvin/Caitlyn' in as a placeholder name, but like most caps I enjoy I knew this would work for Jennifer as well.  So I changed her to the subject and to keep myself involved I added in Dee, myself, Simone, and Leeanne as her benefactors.  I liked the story, and thought it was both fun and sexy so I started working on the design.

My first design choices were actully something that I edited out.  I thought it would be fun to make the images black and white with only her pink bra being in color.  Each panel would get more regular color involved, until the last one when you realized that this was reality.  Here's what they looked like:

I liked the way the images turned out... but two problems came up.  First, the third panel barely had any 'real' color involved.  In fact you can barely tell that her panties are any more saturated than the rest of the image.  Second... I had already spilled the beans of this being a dream/reality mixup... so why would Jennifer see the image in black and white at first?

So I dropped these image (even though they took me about an hour to make) and went back to the drawing board.  I decided that instead of focusing my design ideas on the images, I'd focus on the text instead.  I obviously had three voices.... Jennifer, the bold tech and the questioning tech.  I wondered if I could make it work all in one font and all in the same color.  I played around with several ideas including differently colored text boxes for each voice (to many small boxers for the two techs), a box for Jennifer and the techs words with no box (to hard to separate their different voices), and everything in a box with Jennifer being a straight font, and the techs as they are (one bold and the other italics).  I liked the way the techs voices looked, but Jennifer's didn't look as good... and then it hit me.  Jennifer's part of the story was as much as the photo... background to what the techs were talking about.

Yes, she is having the 'sexy' part of the conversation but she's actually more background to the story.  And being that Jennifer likes it when people talk about her it even made more sense... she had a voice in this but it's just background.  So I reworked how the text lied and made it fit in around the photo and then just faded it out a bit.

At that point I was almost done.  I just felt that the ending needed something.  A little zinger or a twist or... something.  That's when I thought about the guy.  Up until then, in my mind, he was just some employee like the techs (probably paid less, but what great benefits!)... why not make him the actual star?  I already had 'Parting Gift' as the title, so I thought I might put myself in the roll.  But really for the time being I'm not going anywhere... I've just changed from making a couple caps a week to making a cap every couple weeks.  So instead I added Smitty to the party.  I had wanted to add him into the 'girl' who paid for Jennifer's transformation but he doesn't have an easily recognizable feminine name.

I quickly reworked the last paragraph to be just about the guy and knew that it was done.   I of course went back to clean up some things but the story and the design were final.  The only thing I considered adding was a little tip of the hat to Smitty... a 'Bwa Ha Ha' hiding somewhere on the last panel.   In the end though, I thought better.  If anyone saw that and know Smitty, they'd get to the zinger before I was ready.

So... I originally started this to see if I could bring Caitlyn back.  And it turns out that... no... no I can't bring her back this way.  Yes, I have made a far more sexualized cap than I thought I could without her influence, but instead of focusing on what I'd like to happen I still had to focus on what Jennifer would like to happen. At least I can take solace from knowing that if I want, I can still make a 'hawt' caption.


  1. Wow. Ummm, here's a question for you?

    Why in the hell are you questioning yourself and whether you can still make "hawt" captions or whatever have you? Every detail is so perfect here, and Jennifer's voice is so realized in this caption it made me wonder if she had helped you in making it. In fact, it seems more like a collaboration between her and Smitty himself than something that came from your mind.

    So apparently, though you can't seem to assimilate Caitlyn back, you are able to channel others into your Calvin writing .. don't look a gift horse in the mouth sweetie! I understand that Caitlyn was somewhat prolific, and that this is probably a lot harder for you to do, but the quality hasn't diminished at all. I bet there are others that would KILL to be able to write one caption like this per month, or possibly even per year.

    This might be a way to tackle something you couldn't really do as Caitlyn, and that is inhabit the often faceless man that was usually in your captions. I know that when Simone, Victoria or I write in a dominate position of authority, people seem to cream in their panties. Perhaps if you expanded to that realm now and then, you'd be able to create some more like this!

    1. I guess I'm questioning myself because I've been wanting to make a 'hawt' caption ever since I made my last one... in July. Three months. I haven't had an absence from 'hawtness' that long since my first year of captioning. And even though this seems to have been successful, it took a long time and far more effort than I've put into any cap for a long long while. Even with this success I still question whether I can make one like I used to... like you said this comes across as more a collaboration between Jennifer and Smitty. If I had driven toward that I'd be happier, but that wasn't my intent. Accidentally making something good isn't something I strive for.

      That being said, I do like your suggestion. Maybe writing a cap from the dominant position can be just as satisfying. I think I might be able to find that voice a little easier than trying to mimic my former style. Anywho, I'll plug away at this when I get the itch to do so. Right now there is no desire to create, so there is no desire to contemplate creation.

      Thank you for your kind words! It's nice to see that this went over well.