Monday, June 3, 2013

[Question] is there anyway i can find out...?

A question of discovery

This question came in from Amy:

i suspect that a guy i like wears panties sometimes, is there anyway i can find out without embrassing him. i would be ok with it i'm just nosey

The more I think about this question, the more complicated the answer gets.  There just isn't enough information here to make an educated response.  The relationship you have with this guy would color the answer... are you boyfriend/girlfriend?  If not, is that something you are wanting?  Are you close friends?  Just acquaintances?  Is he just a guy you know and like?  Where do you know him?  Socially?  In class?  At work?

Even if I knew that part of the equation, I'd still be left to wonder why he wears panties.  Is he a secret cross dresser?  Does he simply like the feel of them?  Does he want to feminize himself further?  Does he feminize himself further, but only in private?  Is he a young man exploring a new aspect in his life?  Is he sure of himself and happy with what he's doing?

So... I don't think I can give an answer that you can work from.  That being said, I don't want to leave you with no way to act.  So to answer your question, I'm going to make some assumptions.  If these assumptions aren't right and you want a better answer, feel free to reply, ask another question, or send me an email directly as I'd be glad to help you out.

The assumptions I'm going to make are this;  You are friends.  You are both students (either late high school or college... if you are younger than that, then this probably isn't' the best blog for you to be viewing!).  As to this guy, I'm going to assume that he IS wearing panties and that he's exploring something new.  That he doesn't really know why he's wearing panties and doesn't know what his end game with it is.

With these assumptions, there is an easy answer.  No.  No, there isn't a way for you to find out if he's really wearing panties without embarrassing him.  If he's not open enough about it to talk about it and/or your relationship isn't intimate enough for you to simply ask, then he would be embarrassed by you finding out and more than likely even be embarrassed by you simply being curious about it.

I believe that even men comfortable wearing women's panties would be embarrassed by a female friend suspecting that he is doing so.  There are social concerns to think of.  As much as we want our society to be open and accepting, we still live in the real world.  And sadly the real world's majority thinks that men wearing panties is wrong.   It's deviant, it's sick, it's outside the normal.  So even if he's fully happy with what he's doing, he probably doesn't want others to know it.  Each person that finds out will lead to a terrorizing moment of him thinking something along the lines of "Is she going to laugh at me?  Is she going to expose me and make the rest of my life a living hell of people looking down at me and making fun of me?"  

Before I go further I just want to say something else that I'm assuming.  That you are really a friend and are not looking to cause him pain or discomfort.  If you want to find this out to hurt him or make him squirm then I have no love for you and hope that the embarrassment you want to cause will return on you ten fold.  I have no advice for sneaking around and finding out his secret.  There isn't an innocent sneaky way to pull his pants down and find out.  There isn't an innocent sneaky way to rifle through his things hoping to find some lacy evidence.

That being said, I don't think you should let his embarrassment necessarily stop you from finding out.  He would probably love having someone to talk openly about this with.  Having these feelings and thoughts in his head can be confusing.  Talking about these feelings and thoughts with people online can help, but it's still an anonymous confession.  Talking to someone face to face... someone that knows him can be joyous and uplifting.  It can confirm his beliefs that this is an ok behavior like no amount of reading and writing can.

So how do you find out?  By asking him.  Get him somewhere semi private.  Somewhere you can talk while both being in public and without being overheard.  A park, a loud restaurant, walking down the street... something like that.  Being in a place that he won't be overheard will let him talk about it without letting others know.  Being in a public area will help him remain grounded and not overreact to someone suspecting this of him.  Just be open... be a friend.  Ask him, and let him know that you aren't bothered if he is.

I should add that I think you should do this only if you want to be a really good friend to him.  If he opens up to you, you'll immediately have a more intimate knowledge of him that probably anybody else.  He'll never be able to look at you as just another female friend... you'll always be 'The Girl That Knows'.  The reason I state that out so bluntly is how you ended your question... "i'm just nosey".

If you are JUST nosey and don't want to be a good friend to him, then just leave him be.  He'll be embarrassed that you thought that of him (yes, even if he's wearing panties and is ok with it!) and that embarrassment won't go away with you finding out the truth and then letting it drop.  In other words you'll probably just hurt him.  Your curiosity will be sated, but at the expense of his comfort.

If you are truly ok with it and willing to be a good friend, then ask.  Understand though, there is still risk.  He may not be wearing panties.   He may be part of that social majority that thinks such actions are wrong.  If that's the case, then you risk upsetting him anyway.  If you are good friends though this risk shouldn't stop you... being good friends involves taking risks.  

Again, this is based off a lot of assumptions.  My answer may well change if these assumptions are wrong.  It would most certainly change if this is a working relationship and not a social one.

I wish you good luck Amy, as well as your possibly pantied friend.  Of course if anyone else wants to chime in, I'd love to hear your opinion and I'm sure Amy would benefit from the discussion!