Sunday, March 20, 2011

[Question] How do I find a mistress in my area?

I'd help, but I seem to be tied up at the moment!

I long to dress as a girl and serve a mistress,how do I find a mistress in my area?

The short answer is.... I don't know.

I have never searched for a mistress, nor can I say that I have a genuine desire to have a mistress.  Thats not to say there isn't a part of me that would relish being tied up and forced to serve.  But I always thought of a Dom/Sub relationship much the same way as a marriage.  By that I mean that it doesn't happen over night, and that it is a relationship that grows and develops for a long time before being truly sanctified and recognized for what it is.

Think of it this way...  if I want to have a sexual relationship, I can always go out to the local hooker and get some action.  Is it a relationship?  Sorta, but not one I am proud of.  Does it get the job done?  Again, sorta. I get my rocks off, and she pockets some of my cash.  But is she really trying to  make me happy?  And do I really care to make her happy?  The answer to both is the same... we are trying to make each other happy only enough so that the 'relationship' can be consummated again at a later time.  But in a marriage I am honestly trying to please my wife.  I receive joy from her receiving joy.  And she receives joy from me receiving joy.

I always look at a Dom/Sub or Mistress/Slave relationship much the same way.  The sub should really receive joy in submitting to his/her master's wishes, not some pre setup list of 'demands'.  And the Master/Mistress should really receive joy from dominating the submissive, not having a canned 'yes mistress' style answer to any question.

Thats not to say that there isn't joy t be had in casual relationship.  I do role play in several ways, and I both Dom and sub in these role-plays.  I want my partner in these role-plays to be happy, and honestly try to serve their needs before mine.  But if this role play relationship would end.... eh I would move on to another.

In all of these scenarios (marriage, dom/sub, role playing) I start of by looking around and being open to the possibility of a relationship at any time.  I am not married, nor am I in a relationship anywhere close to marriage, but I have been close several times.  I didn't go out looking for a wife, and I was surprised when I found someone that I could consider marriage with.  I am in one serious role play right now, but it really came out of the blue.  I think a real lasting Mistress/slave relationship woudl develop in much the same way.

I think you are making a couple good first steps. First you are admitting to yourself that you want not only to dress, but to be in that type of relationship.  Second you are opening up and searching for it.  I don't think this is the best place to be looking, but you ARE looking and that is something.

I think you will have to really think about what you want before asking someone directly. Consider, do you want an 'online' mistress?  Someone whom you will email, IM, voice chat, and even video chat with?  Do you want a live mistress?  Someone who you will go meet and interact with?  Do you want to just get your feet wet, and have a temporary 'trial' with?  I think if any of these scenarios are what you want, you need to get involved with the 'scene'.  There are plenty of websites that cater to such relationships.  I can't recommend any personally, but you can always join up and see what is going on there.  Put yourself out there and get involved.  Hopefully you will meet someone that clicks with you and you can start with them (if not for the actual relationship, then for more hands on advise).

If you want the live experience, I am even more at a loss.  I would imagine there are clubs in most major metropolitan areas that would cater to this crowd.  Its a much bigger risk, but I don't know of a different way to get involved.  And if you are in a small town... man I just don't know.  I live in a city of about 30,000 and there is no obvious place for a group like this to meet up.  But I can't imagine that there aren't people here looking for the same thing.

The only advise I CAN give with confidence, is to always be safe.  Even if you are doing this online, there is a level of safety that you want to maintain.  Don't share personal information until you have a trust in that person.  It may seem like a good idea in the heat of the moment to completely submit to the first person willing to be a mistress to you, but take a moment, step back and ask yourself if you trust this person.  And that goes double in person.

Hopefully someone with more experience than I can comment here and offer you better advise.  I hope you find what you are looking for!


  1. You have pretty much nailed it on the head. Any sort of relationship is based on trust, first and foremost. You get out what you put in, and you must go into any relationship with an open mind.

    For those looking to be in the scene of dom/sub and possibly find real life partnerships based around it, I would suggest signing up for Fetlife .. which is of course at It is a free site that has many kinks you can list/find .. and it is broken down by location.

  2. What a great answer to this question. Standing O!