I'm not really back...

But I did make you this.

Before I go into the cap, I want to apologize if I got anybodies hopes up with my last post.  It was a spur of the moment idea to have an April Fool's joke.  I probably should have put more thought into it and not titled it "I'm Back".  That was just in poor taste.... April 1st or no.

So to make up for that faux pas, I decided that I would really bear down and make another cap.

I really had no inspiration.  Before, I'd have just searched around for a sexy image and see where it took me.  But images just don't take me there any longer.  So instead I figured I'd have to have a least a basic idea for a story and then find an image that could work with it.  I've learned my lesson on writing before having an image, but I just wanted to have an idea of where the story would go.

My first thought was a cap that I saw years ago.  I really wish I could remember who did it so that I could show it to you.  But between the Haven and all the blogs I've visited all these years, I have no idea where I saw it.  It involved a bride cursing her tail chasing brother into being the perfect bride's maid.  That way he would stay out of the other bride's maids panties.  The problem was that he became HIS idea of the perfect bride's maid... one that put out.  The pic was a simple one of an obvious bride's maid putting on some lipstick (or looking into a hand held mirror and doing her makeup...), and it talked about how he had just given the best man a blow job and was getting ready for the next groom's man.

The cap had the perfect combination of humor and squirm and the idea (if the not the actual source) had stayed with me for along time.

Anywho, I figured I could make my own version of that.  Instead of being a bride's maid though, I figured I'd make our subject into a secretary.  I mean come on... who doesn't love a sexy secretary story?  So I looked for images of a secretary working her makeup magic.  None of the images I found really worked, so I thought I might take it into a more classic Caitlyn direction and just show the damned blow job.   Plenty of images involving a secretary giving a blow job... but none of those seemed to work as well for me.

An odd image turned up (considering I was searching Google Images for 'Secretary Blow Job':

I immediately fell in love with how the image focused entirely on her lips. I tried to improve on it by making it entirely black and white save for her lips but that honestly just made it less effective.  So I left it alone figuring that it was already framed up prefectly for a cap... text on the left (maybe with a text box, but probably not) and the title in the lower right corner.

The story quickly shifted... I wanted the story to focus on those luscious lips just like the image did.   The first rough outline I had in my head was a man cursed by his girlfriend on understanding how much she had to put into looking good for him.   He's of course changed into a woman and then is forced to learn all about a woman's lips.  How they should be pampered, how to put on lipstick, lip gloss, chapstick, how to blot, how to lick her lips, how to speak, how to smile, and how to kiss.  At this point no other man would be involved.. this was going to be him/her kissing her.  The kicker at the end of the story would be something along the lines of "...and tomorrow we'll work on your nipples".

I started writing and.... damn this is hard to get back into!

Every part of it was like chopping wood.  You don't make a lot of progress with each swing but just keep going at it.  And with as long as it was taking to get each sentence and paragraph just right... the story changed direction.  At one point I re-read what I had and realized that I hadn't yet named the characters, and decided to keep going in that direction.  That way this really could be for anybody out there.  No body would have to replace 'Calvin/Caitlyn' with their own names.

I kept swinging and swinging and swinging... about half way through (in the story getting the clothes right), I just knew that it would be a little more squirmy and fun if I put 'him' back into the story.  Something I was thinking but am unsure if I made clear, the 'compulsion' for our subject wasn't just to learn how much effort she puts into her lips and overall appearance, but that she does that all for him.  And like the original bride's maid story, he took that into  himself and wouldn't be satisfied until he made himself look and act perfectly for a man... just like she did!

Beyond editing some of the paragraphs to make them end on at least a half line (I can't stand when a paragraph ends with just a few words!), this is what I wrote out.  I didn't have to go through and do any major edits.... continually swinging seems to have it's advantage as it forced me to work each sentence and paragraph perfectly and match it up with how the story was going.  The ending did take a little extra time as I wanted it to echo the first sentiment.

Design wise I laid out the title into the image about halfway into the story.  It was a nice 'break' away from writing.  The first title I wrote was 'A moment on the Lips' figuring I'd eventually work something like "A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips' into the story.  Thankfully editing that to 'A lesson of the Lips' didn't take any effort.  I plopped the text into a quick text box and immediatly knew that I didn't want an actual colored box behind the text.  So instead of making a box, I worked the image a bit so that the text would be easy to read right over the image.  A little fading of the image (her hair and ear were a bit too dark), and a little cropping to make sure her lips were centered in the remaining space (I don't regret cutting off her fingers, although now I could have put something in about getting her nails done!).

Add my water mark and line up the title and I have my first cap in a long time.




After I was finished with the cap and started writing this post, I figured I'd have to tack something on the end.  Something assuring everybody that I'm not 'Back' and to re-apologize for the previous post.  But you know what?  I've been wrong so many times on this subject before.   I 'lost' Caitlyn and couldn't cap, then she came back and I could, then I had a crisis of identity and had to step away, and then I came back, then I got the job and had to leave... only I lingered and still capped.

So what exactly gives me the idea that I know what my own future holds?  Did I enjoy making this cap?  Yes... yes I did.  I got some good squirm out of it and think it's pretty good (remember, I'm writing this only a half hour after finishing the cap... that opinion may well change!).  At the very least I think it will be enjoyed.... and that's one of my biggest goals;  having people enjoy themselves.

So I'm not going to say that I'm NOT back.  But I can't even define what 'Back' would be.  I certainly don't think I'll ever get back to the one or two caps per week productivity I once had.  For one thing I just budget my time so differently compared to what I was doing even just last year.  I rarely let myself sit in front of the computer for hours at a time.  When I do sit at the computer I'm looking up work stuff (emails mostly), or reading up on Football or other 'things' that catch my interest.  I honestly think the last time I sat down at my computer with time like I did today was..... two months ago?  Hell, the last time I played a video game was in January (o.k... I played a half hour of team fortress 2 today...).

So I don't ever see me coming 'back' like that.  Even if I tried I think I'd burn out just like I did last time.  I'd get caught up into making stuff for people and I'd just get disappointed and angry at myself and there's no way I want to go through that again.

But if the time is right.  If I have a couple hours to spend at the computer (I started making this cap over three hours ago!).  If I feel moved whatsoever into that alluring TG direction.  If I feel the creative writing itch.  If I feel the creative Photoshop itch.   If ALL of those happen, I'll make a cap here and there.

I had talked on my private blog a month or so back about coming back to Caitlyn.  About roll playing and maybe making a cap.  Dee gave me the response I really needed to hear:

"I think that you were very passionate about what you did for a number of years with the blog, and I'm not sure you can do things half-assed. At least not from what I've heard about you over the years we've known each other. You might want to reconsider making captions..."  

She's right... I do get very passionate about what I do and I hate doing things half-assed.  That's a big reason why I'm not going to just pick up the bat and start swinging at pitches again.  But that same passion sill surfaces once in a while... and if I don't make any commitments that will lead to disappointment, I think I can safely sate that passion and make the occasional cap.

I'll keep up the random post every couple months if a cap doesn't come to me, but if I feel the urge you can be sure I'll share anything I create here with you.

All right.. enough of this.  I hope you enjoy the cap!

C