F.U.C.K.D

Admit it.. you'd like to be F.U.C.K.D too!

I've been nervous these past few days (more on that later if you are interested), and I wanted to make a cap to get my mind off of it.  The first few times I tried to cap I saw many MANY sexy images, but no sniff of an idea at all for the story.  This morning when I looked though, I came upon this sexy image set and just fell in love.  Not only that, I got a basic idea:

A guy is working with the CDC to help men that were transformed by some weird virus into women.  To help them acclimate he has men lined up to fuck them crazy as that finishes off the transformation.  Of course he catches the virus himself and had to go through his own procedure.  

It's a simple enough idea, but I hesitated in writing it out as it would require a lot of setup.  I'd have to explain the disease, explain the procedure and how it helped the victims, and only then go into his transformation and submitting himself for the treatment.   But there wasn't any other image that gave me any ideas, and spending a couple hours writing this out would occupy my mind.  At worst I figured that if I couldn't make it work I'd still burn those hours away.

So I got to writing.  As expected, explaining the 'virus' and treatment took up almost an entire panel.  I trimmed what I could, but I obviously couldn't fit all of this in one panel.  I thought about using a standard lab image for the first panel as I wouldn't have to write in why he was female so soon.  But then the idea hit me... I could put the transformation at the very begining, and then have him mentally explaining how/why it happened.

A funny thing happened though when I started writing up his transformation.  Instead of going with a 'oh no this happened to me... I guess I need to get the treatment' feeling, I added a lot more drama and intensity.  I honestly didn't start this out as happening to women... but adding in that line of "...this new syndrome wasn't really affecting women after all!" popped right out.  And you know... I liked it.  I even added in a line about figuring out that it wasn't naturally occurring  but that side story ended up getting deleted as I never followed up with it.

With that first paragraph written (and the image chosen to go with it), I went back and re-wrote the disease process and focused it on happening to women.  The memory part actually made more sense now.  Once that was set (the last two paragraphs of the first panel, and the first paragraph of the second panel), I began to write his process through the treatment.

It was harder than I thought.  Part way in, I realized I had set up a 'rape' scene.  Here he is in his new body getting sex forced on him over and over and over.  I don't know why it hadn't hit me before, nor do I know why this upset me at all.  I mean I write a lot of unwilling sex scenes like this.  I guess what hit me was that the 'force' in the sex scenes I write is normally mental... it's blackmail;  'Have sex with my new boyfriend or I'll tell everyone that you willingly let me turn you into a girl and want to have sex with men'.   With this scene though, it's men grabbing a confused girl, bending her over, and fucking her.

I still found it sexy... but less so.  This was about an hour and a half into working on the cap, and I honestly considered deleting it.  Instead I pushed through and finished it off.  After all, I've done dark themes before and this isn't all that different than being mentally coerced.  I'm still not comfortable with it... but you tell me if this is crossing a line.

I mentioned that I was nervous... well it's for a good reason.  I have a job interview coming up soon.  I normally don't get nervous for interviews.... excited?  yes.  Nervous?  no.  But this is only the second face to face interview I've gotten since I started putting out applications.  And after putting out over 170 applications I know that I have to nail this interview.  I hate searching for a job and not being a productive member of society is just killing any self pride that I've had.  So instead of it just being an interview, it's becoming THE interview.

So...I hate to ask directly for it, but I need all the help I can get.  Send some good thoughts my way!