Thursday, December 6, 2012

I Will Not Be Defined

Definitions need not apply!

So a couple days ago I was in the mood to cap.  I wandered over to the Haven and saw that JaySeaver was next up on my list.  I've talked before that our preferences don't quite match up... but I figure Jay has liked the caps I made her previously otherwise she wouldn't make me another (I did enjoy her cap that she made... 'Caitlyn' as Calvin's headache!).

So instead of wavering on what to do, I just went head strong into her preferences looking for something to spark an idea.  I had seen it before, but this time it really caught my attention:  Jay doesn't have a 'new' name that she would prefer.  As she puts it:

"...someone wouldn't necessarily think of themselves as someone else right after being changed, would they?"

It really struck me on a realistic approach that I actually use quite often myself.  When I use other people's chosen femme names, I often have another character name them.  A mistress, master, lover, friend, frienemy...  but I don't often write the subject as just lovingly accepting their new life and changing their name.   

Jay also mentioned that she liked the idea of a Great Shift story, but one that goes beyond the immediate impact.

So the basic idea I got was someone that went through the great shift, but that didn't let their new body define them.  Not their name, nor any other part of their life.  With the idea in mind, I went searching for a photo that might work with that idea.  My main criteria was a woman dressed up as a man.  Not a woman wearing a man's shirt and ONLY a man's shirt... but a woman dressed up in what could easily be called masculine clothes.

I didn't have much luck.  Most of the images I found were overtly sexy.  And while I don't mind a woman wearing men's clothing as a means to arouse, I didn't want that for the story.  So I kept slightly altering the search criteria... and finally ended up with lesbian wedding tuxedo.  I wasn't planning on Jay being in a lesbian wedding, but figured it would be an easy way to find a woman dressed as I wanted.

And with this image I got almost everything I want.  At first glance I was nervous since the model was of asian decent... but another glance at Jay's preferences revealed:

"Sexy has no specific skin color.  In fact, since I tend to see these stories as being about staying true to yourself even when what superficially defines "yourself" is gone, I encourage changes away from "single white middle-class New Englander"."

I couldn't have asked for more!

The story itself proved just as problematic as the image search though.  I liked the basic premise, but I couldn't find a story to work around it.  And with this particular image, I knew that I wouldn't have a lot of space to work with, as I already knew that the story was going into the empty space.  Over three or four days I must have started the cap a dozen times... but none of them stuck.

When I came to it this morning though, I took a tract that I don't often do.... forget the story and just tell the basic outline. I don't need to put the new 'Jay' in a particular setting... I can just tell what happened as a thought process.  That way I can focus on nailing the premise.

And overall.... well I can't say that I"m happy with it.  This type of cap just isn't in my wheelhouse... so I feel that I'm sacrificing almost everything that normally makes a 'Caitlyn' cap click.  To be honest, I'm not even sure if Jay will like it, as he's said that he likes to focus on the story itself... and I've all but nixed any real story out of this cap.

All I can say is 'I tried'.


  1. Good one. I like the intellectual reality that your body doesn't have do define you.

  2. I like it, and the high concept of identity that it explores. It is a thinking cap, excuse the pun, and that sort of thing stays with me more than simply 'sexy' caps do. Part of me wants to read more of the life around this point, but that's what these caps are best at: leaving you wanting more!

  3. I agree with the sentiments already expressed. This Cap is heady. As sissy femmy guys, we understand better than most can, the importance of not being defined by what others expect. And yet, sadly, we mostly navigate life under such self imposed restrictions, due to the subtle imposition of society's mores. But we can wish, and even escape sometimes. And this Cap offers a way of glimpsing that.

    Great work Caitlyn!

    Kiss kiss,


  4. Never would have guessed she was Asian, besides her eye makeup there wasn't much that said to me that she was.

    But, besides that surprising bit of info, I enjoyed the more realistic approach to this story. Which is saying a lot, since I don't really read great shift stories.