Back in February of 2012 I got the chance to celebrate 200 followers. And I have to say that doing so made me feel really special. The blog was hitting on all cylinders just like my caps were. I was even feeling good about myself. I had graduated two months before and was getting ready to take my licensing exam. In my mind I was just weeks away from accepting my first job as a Registered Nurse, and starting a whole new chapter in my life.
Needless to say, it's almost a year and all of those things slowly faded away. The blog is now hit or miss as I can't seem to cap on any type of consistent basis. When I can cap, they come from a different place inside of me... from a different voice. I did eventually pass the NCLEX, but was after failing it and almost flaming out. And I'm still looking for that new job... for that new chapter.
But one thing from then is still the same. My friends. I sometimes still have to pinch myself when I think of all the friends I've made as Caitlyn. And even though my blog has become far more depressing, I still get more 'followers'. More people that want to check in on me and my caps. More people that care.
In my 200 post, I said that I didn't like the term 'followers' and that's still the same. I'm can't lead myself where I want to go, so how could I have someone following me? Back then I wanted to call all of you my fans or watchers. That may be true for those that stop by for the caps and the caps alone... but for those that stop by for more than that... well I want to call you all Friends. I might not know your name and we may have never shared a word, let alone a conversation. But you've stated publicly that you want to know when I do say something. And that's just what a friend does!
So while last time I made a fun 'hey lets have Caitlyn suck a bunch of cocks' style cap, I thought I'd make something a little more intimate. A little thank you to all of my 300 friends!
Glad your you! Don't try to be anyone else but you.
ReplyDeleteYou are unique, your are special, and you happen to have a great imagination and talent too. Be yourself and enjoy being whomever you are at that moment. We are always hear for you. Not jest for the caps, but for you. God bless you.
Thanks Geofrey! And stop it... you're making me blush!
DeleteDear Caitlyn,
ReplyDeleteI think calling them "friends" works. Of course, I like to call them "sissy lovers," but that's just me. Congratulations on having so many people who follow your blog.
But what you wrote, about being normal, I so identify with. Hear, we can be all of who we are. The men who are completely affected by the feminine feelings that are coursing through our souls. We did not go looking for these sensations. They are a part of us. And yet, in the real world - the other world - the one we occupy in the physical most of our lives, we can only reveal our guyness. Like you, I suspect, no one would ever guess I am a sissy. Never in a million years. But here, we are accepted, even in our maleness. I got a kick out of Dee's post this weekend talking about watching the football games, which is what I did. Stereotypically, not a sissy thing or feminine thing to do, although I dig real girls who dig sports. But it just makes me identify with her and like her more. See there? I called Dee her. And I think of you that way. The two of you are recent relationships I've begun to grow that I'm very much enjoying. I can tell you're smart. And nice. And different. In a good way. Shoot! You've got me wanting to try my hand at captioning. But I digress. This may be the best we can do. Too many people just can't accept the real reality. Only the minimally revealed reality. The "masked" reality, as you so eloquently, and accurately put it. I'm just thankful that my wife accepts this aspect of me, so long as I keep it from our friends and family. Fair enough. I recall you recently had an issue with discovery, don't I? I hope that has worked out for you. Either way, I'll always be a friend. I like you. Real sight unseen. You're Caitlyn to me.
Kiss kiss,
Leeanne
Thanks Leeanne!
DeleteI don't always force the issue, but it is commonly rolling around in the back of my head. Are we simply 'who we are'? Or are we more complex than that. Do our thoughts change who we are, or are we exactly as we present ourselves?
In other words, am I Caitlyn at all when I'm out in the big bright and scary world? Or am I only Caitlyn here, where I can comfortably and privately put on my mask.
I thank you for your friendship, and I thank you for seeing me as I present myself. I too consider you a good friend!
On this exact thought, I have it all of the time. I'll be in the middle of a conversation in which I know my perspective being displayed (i.e. not masked) is pure Leeanne, and yet the others in the conversation haven't a clue that the man talking is so much more. So, yeah, I'm always Leeanne. And I'm always this guy too. Sometimes, when I'm playing out my sissy fantasy, I am totally Leeanne. But when I'm out there in the world, there is rarely a time when I am not aware of Leeanne lurking in my subconscious. So, whether others know it or not (specifically) because I'm wearing the mask, they are nonetheless in the company of Leeanne. And I bet you are too. What do you think of that?
DeleteKiss kiss,
Leeanne
I can see that. At least I can imagine it. Sadly though, I rarely feel like Caitlyn away from the computer. When I'm physically in the company of other people she rarely enters my head at all. The last time I think I heard her whispering was when a friend of a friend mentioned a TG website he stumbled upon... I SO wanted to ask if it was this one!
DeleteSo by that definition I'd have to say that Caitlyn only exists here at my computer.
Wow! I'm surprised that Caitlyn can ever be absent. She seems so much a part of you. I know Leeanne is always present with me.
DeleteUh, one more thing. You know how I do sissy appreciation blowjobs and all? And am about to do my second 200? What would you do for someone, like say, someone who was the first to reach say, 50 comments on your blog? I was just wondering. For no particular reason. Hmmmm?
ReplyDeleteAhh... I see that a friend would like a little 'Caitlyn' love for being the first to 50 comments!
DeleteI may consider having some sort of reward... but sadly if I only reward the 'first' person to get to 50 comments, I believe I would owe that to either Jennifer or Dee.
You see, the 'So Much To Say!' widget that I have is broken. I don't recall the specific numbers, but I know I had several people that had at least 100 comments.
I don't have a large list of people that comment, and this blog has gained over 1900. I have no idea why the counter started going down.
But even if I don't give out a reward, just know that I'm incredibly appreciative of your wonderful comments Leeanne!
I bet you'd think I was cute if you could see my sissy pout.
DeleteCongrats caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will go through many high's and low's as you continue to post and expand your fan base. (friend base?)But through thick and thin, I think the numbers will tell you, we will still be here to offer you support, praise, constructive criticism, and more.
Very glad to be counted among your friends. ^_^
Thanks Jennifer!
DeleteEven if you weren't one of the 'Friends' listed to the left, I'd still consider you a good close friend!
Wooohooo! 300 friends of Caitlyn! Aren't you so glad now that you started this caption blog? Hmmm?
ReplyDeleteSuch a touching little caption. Adversity is often easier to deal with when its shared, and I for one am glad that we were able to share both some good times and bad with each other. Here's to a whole lot more good times and a increasingly small amount of bad times!
As I've mentioned before I just signed up for a blogger account to post comments easier. As long as I had the space, I figured I may as well use it and post up my captions. And as long as I was doing that, I may as well write up how I was feeling.
DeleteBut as much as I got into posting, sharing and answering various questions, I think the thing that I will appreciate the longest from this experience is not only meeting so many good friends, but getting close to the ones I already had!
First off, congratulations on hitting 300, it's truly an impressive milestone.
ReplyDeleteBut what I find much more impressive is how open you are on this blog. You share your hopes and struggles with anyone who takes the time to stop by, and it is that genuine honesty that convinced 300 of us to state that we want to know when you have something new to say.
The way you discuss both sides of your life is something that I could never do, as even behind the veil of internet anonymity, being that open terrifies me.
I've always considered your work to be some of the best captions ever made. But even you never made another, I'd still keep coming back here to be inspired by your journey towards reconciling the parts that make up who you are.
Well said Rauk. Beautiful sentiments.
DeleteThanks Rauk!
DeleteI'll let you in on a little secret... I'm terrified that I've already shared too much, and that someone, someday will figure out exactly who I am.
I try my very best to share things openly without giving enough identifiable detail. And that's always a difficult tightrope act. I don't believe I've crossed the line to the point that someone could identify me if they randomly came across this blog. But if they already suspected me (say from a internet history), and know me well enough... they could easily put the pieces together and link me and Caitlyn together.
That being said, I believe that so long as I continue to walk that tightrope, I can share freely my feelings. Writing them out here, where I know others will read and possibly even comment on them, helps me put all those random thoughts into an order that can make more sense to me.
Congratulations Caitlyn! But to be honest with you, I wouldn't be surprised if you get another 300 tomorrow. You are a good person and have a very talented blog. Here's to another 300.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo Katie
Thank you Katie!
DeleteI appreciate the thought, but it took me over 2 years to get 300. I highly doubt that I'll get that many more any time soon. In fact I keep glancing at my 'Friends' counter, worried that I'm going to lose one, taking me back down to 299!