Saturday, April 27, 2013

Sacrificing For Our Love

What would you give up to feel true love?

I really had no intent of making a cap this morning.  I've been worrying over my job predicament and that really takes me out of feeling like my normal capping self.  But my morning routine now almost always includes me heading over to Fuskator and seeing if anything inspires me.  Well lo and behold I came upon this image set.  There was just something about the looks on the mode's faces that whispered to me... whispered about their love for each other and yet at the same time a little sadness*.

And really it was a hawt set!  So I pulled out this image and got to writing.  I really didn't have any idea where it was going and I didn't intend on this being a deep story.  Just a 'set em up and knock em down' style of story.  But no matter how I tried to make this more humiliating for our heroine, it just kept coming out more sweet and soulful.  I let the story go where it wanted.

If I knew how the story was going to turn out, I might have made it a multi panel cap so that I could tell a longer story.  Maybe focus on the denial of their pleasures more in one panel, focus on their coming to love each other in another panel, and cap it off with them making the sacrifice to ensure they'd stay together.  But like most projects when I was finished writing I had no desire to re-write it.  So we'll all just have to imagine what I could do with three times the story length.

*Speaking of sadness, I came across this Green Day song recently and have been playing it a lot.  The lyrics don't mean much to me, but the overall somber nature of the piano and the soulful nature of Billie Joe's singing have really stuck with me.



To me it really represents how I feel most of the time now.  Getting turned down for a job that I both wanted and feel like I had a good interview for was hard.  And getting ramped up to apply for a job that wasn't even in the field of nursing only to get turned down less than 24 hours after applying (and then having the same thing happen again for a lesser position) was even harder on my more and more fragile ego.

I'm still applying to nursing jobs, but I have a hollow feeling that it's all going to be fruitless.  That even if I get an interview (which the past has shown me is doubtful) and feel like I do well at it, that it still won't lead to a job.  To apply to those other jobs outside the field of nursing meant that I had to turn my back, at least a little bit, on the certainty of getting a nursing job.  And not getting those jobs didn't change me back... I now have a sad feeling that I won't get a nursing job.

I know I've talked about this before.  And really... I've read your comments and will try to keep my chin up. But right now... right here... I just can't feel that optimistic.  It's already made it harder to cap and I don't see that changing.  I'll still do it... I'll still take what solace I can from putting on my Caitlyn mask.  But don't expect a lot from me for awhile.

11 comments:

  1. *Hugs* I'm really sorry you've had such difficulty finding a job Caitlyn. I can't imagine why they wouldn't hire you. I'm sure that you'll get a job that just perfect for you soon!

    As for these two. Have they tried apologizing to the witch? It worked in goosebumps. Still a wonderfully sexy predicament ^_^

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kyra! But don't be so 'sure' about a job coming my way. I love the sentiment, but it's optimism like that that makes it hurt so much when it doesn't happen.

      As for apologizing to the witch... maybe? But would they want to risk what they have for a possible worse predicament?

      Delete
  2. Stunningly beautiful and erotic piece of art (I was going to call it work, but that devalues it).

    Really hope things come together for you soon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Anne!

      Having my caps called 'art' always brings a wide smile to my face!

      Delete
  3. Hmm. With regard to the "Sacrifices of Love"; I don't really see that Brian must entirely forgo penetration of his Best-Girl-Friend's lovely and needy new womanhood... provided neither of them looses control to such a degree that they seal their fates to the conclusion of their relationship by failing to part their parts prior to any climactic events!

    With regards to your employment/occupation; While it may seem counter-productive to accept a position outside of one's chosen/preferred career-path, some personal experience has taught me that being employed in any field tends to make openings of a better potential more available. (May you find some gainful form of employment soon!)

    Thus, in essence, much like your heroine, to find yourself in an un- intended/expected position may very well be just the path which will lead to were you ought to be and the fulfillment/happiness which is ultimately in store for you, Caitlyn!?! (after all, if we get what it is that we want, we might find ourselves missing that which may be better for us in the end! -and I am not playing with the caption-concept, darling
    ! I mean that with all the best hopes, prayers & wishes for you!!!)

    Peace,Love&Kisses;
    Elle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Elle both for the compliments to the cap and to the commentary on my job situation.

      On the job front, I'll say this: I'm open to any position at this point. Sadly my degrees and experience don't really present me as prepared for anything other than nursing. There is a wide variety of nursing positions, but I'm already applying to most if not all of those.

      The big concern is sadly... money. Without going into detail on my financial needs and wants, I'll just say that I went into the field of nursing expecting to make the amount of money that a 'new nurse' makes. Most other positions that I have any hope of getting with my experience and abilities pay less. SIGNIFICANTLY less.

      My student loans alone are going to be over $600 a month. it's just another way that I've painted myself into a corner. Sure, any job at this point is better than NO job. The question really comes down to this: Is taking a job that both turns my back on the dream of being a nurse AND keeps me financially on a cliff better than waiting and holding out for a nursing job that may never materialize?

      I don't have an answer to that question yet.

      Delete
    2. Oh, dear Caitlyn;
      Forgive my apparent miscommunication. I was not remotely suggesting that you abandon your dreams or chosen career path! Rather that taking something in a different field, as a temporary measure, might keep you on the financial precipice while you continue to seek a better position in nursing, but wouldn't clinging to the cliff be preferable to plummeting from it?

      Times are tough for many economies at present. But on the bright side, the present is never static and what one might need to do 'just for now' does not have to become what they 'wound up doing their whole life'! I would not suggest that you should permanently 'settle for less' than you hoped for or are capable of. And 'any port in a storm' may sound so cliche, but if putting into an 'icky shipyard' for the worst of the storm keeps your boat afloat so you can make your way to your 'home port' on a less raging sea...

      I do hope that your situation improves and that you reach the realization of your calling, Caitlyn!! And I pray that you not lose hope, heart or focus en-route to your destination, and that your journey be a rewarding experience!!!

      Peace,Love&Kisses;
      Elle

      Delete
    3. Elle,

      Oh, I understood what you meant. I just meant to say that taking another job outside of the nursing field could very well result in me being less desirable for any future nursing jobs.

      You see, I take my job seriously. Any job that I have, even if it's not something I want, gets my full attention. For example, let's say I get a shop job (something that pays decently and is something that I could do with my experience and training). I would take that job seriously. I know that a company makes an investment in any new employee (orientation, training, pay for less productive work while the new employee gains the skills needed....) and I would have every intention of honoring that investment. Depending on the job that would mean between three and six months employment.

      If I take myself off the market for those three to six months I end up being less likely to gain a job as a nurse without returning to school for a 'refresher' course. Now I could certainly continue to look for a nursing job while accepting this fictional shop job (or any other job that I accept), but my honesty would require me to let them know that. Let them know that I'll be looking for other employment even while I am working for them. As you said this isn't a great economy, and I imagine that any employer would simply not hire someone who says they are looking forward to quitting and may do so soon.

      So... I'm either honest about continuing my nurse job search and therefore don't get hired, or I put it off and tank my chances at a nursing position. It's a catch-22.

      Delete
  4. That piece is truly sweet and beautiful! Very romantic!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lovely caption and when someone takes a hot image and makes it sweet as well as effin hot, well that's skill, Caitlyn. And I hope your mind eases related to work. Some people have a job and have no wants yet are miserable as hell. Keep that in mind as you strive on. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Annabelle!

      While I agree that having gainful employment is no guarantee of happiness, it is the foundation that happiness is built upon. Things like self worth and pride just aren't possible without it.

      I may not be happy once employed, but at least I'll know that I can care for my self. That's something that I don't have now, and that is the majority of my current unease.

      Delete