Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The New Shill

A sucker is born every minute

Going to the carnival was always fun as a child.  Maybe that’s why I kept going back every year… memories.   As a child all I saw was the flashing lights and the happy people.  All I heard were the screams of people on the rides and the laughter of family’s having a good time.  All I smelled was the popcorn and cotton candy.   As an adult though, I saw all the loud hucksters and dirty carnys.  I heard all the angry cries of people getting robbed or ripped off.  I smelled all the cheap booze and vomit.  But I still went and tried to have as good of a time as I did when I was young.

This year the carny running the ‘Thriller’ ride was calling out how it was cursed.  How three people had died on it this year alone.  How their very souls still remained on the ride.  I imagine his calls were loud and outrageous because no one was willing to cough up the five bucks for such a lame ride.  When the exotic looking woman sided up to me and offered up herself if I could ride the Thriller without screaming, I figured it out.  The carny gets people scared then she saunters over to a rube and gets him to ride.  Seeing as I wasn’t afraid of any curse or the souls of dead past riders I took her up on it.  Sure, there was probably some buzzer in the seat to guarantee a scream from most riders but if I could just keep quiet I’d make sure she paid up!

As with most carnival rides this was based of pure physics.  It didn’t take a lot of speed to get the momentum going and a few quick changes of direction ensured plenty of jostling around.  It was actually quite fun and I didn’t know why they had to work so hard to get riders.  Sure enough I felt some kind of electric shock run through me as the ride came to an end but I held my tongue.  When the shocking sensation didn’t stop though I turned and looked at the woman and saw her looking oh so happily back at me. 

The shock intensified and for a moment I couldn’t see anything.   When my vision cleared and the sensation stopped I saw… me.  I saw my body smiling back at me.  My body got up and out of the ride and helped me down.  I could feel my warm hand gripping my now bare midriff as my body walked me off of the ride.  With a glint in my former eyes my former body said that I was the first person to not scream on that ride in 2 years.   That I could use the same bet to trade bodies with some local rube. 

When I turned toward the carny running the ride I saw his leering grin as he said “I see we have a new shill.  Here’s how it works babe, you get the guys to ride and you don’t have to pay.  You can sleep in my trailer and stay with the carnival all year if you like.  Oh, but if you don’t get me at least 30 customers a day you pay out that night.  I believe the going rate is a blowjob for every customer that you’re short!”

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