Today's question comes in from Geofrey. And while there is a technical question here, I think this brings up a lot of things to talk about. Here's his question:
Hello. I DO have a question. Is there any way to keep one person from being able to look at your blog but allow everyone else to still be able too? Back in July my FATHER discovered my blog, and figured out my alternate persona. It was not a fun conversation when my parents invited me over for dinner and had a "Do you know what your son has been doing"? Conversation with Mom in front of me. So I didnt cap for two months and he still checks up on me. Im not a child anymore, but I dont want my Dad looking over my shoulder. I have considered using a yahoo group, so that no one gains access without my aproval. But I prefer blogger.
Caitlyn what do I do? I dont want to give up on making captions.
I'll start by saying that I contacted Geofry by email as I didn't want to add to the problem by talking about this publically where his father may find out. Geofrey has graciously allowed me to talk about this here as he believes his father is only watching his blog, and not others like mine.
Let's deal with the technical side first. As I understand it, Geofrey would like to keep a single person from viewing his blog. I don't know of any way to keep a single person or a small group from viewing a public blog. The only way I know of keeping anyone out would be to make the blog private. That would stop everyone from viewing it that wasn't 'allowed' to. Sadly that would kill almost all traffic and be a nightmare of 'approving' people to come in and read. All viewers would have to be logged into their blogger account, so no 'quick' views either.
Now if your goal is to share your work publicly (albeit anonymously), this solution just wouldn't work. And even if Geofrey did this, there is nothing from stopping his father from creating a blogger account and asking for access. So my suggestion was to make a new blog under a new name. Geofrey would also have to make sure that there was no link between 'him' and this new blog that his father could follow.
This would of course suck as Geofrey shares his more tame art at other Internet sites. There could be no link between this art, and his new blog.
It's about the only solution I could come up with. I'm hoping that maybe someone out there has a better or easier solution.
Let me tell you.... when I read that question my stomach clenched up and I went cold. No one in my family knows about 'Caitlyn' and I can't think of a more embarrassing way for them to find out than when sharing a family meal. My own father passed away several years ago, but I don't want my mother or my brother's to find out. As a glance into their psyche I shared with them that I had read 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and was basically looked at as a pervert just for that. If they think I'm perverted for reading about man and woman going through a complicated Dom/sub relationship, then I can't imagine how they would react to seeing my fantasies of being turned into a woman.
I've always prided myself on being an open book. Practically anybody could ask me any question about myself, and I would share an honest answer. When I was just reading and enjoying TG stories and caps and not creating them I didn't feel that I was hiding anything. At that time it was just a sexual fantasy. Who was going to ask me a question that would reveal that bit of information? I certainly wouldn't ask someone 'Hey, have you ever read any good TG or cross dressing fiction?'
But I was keeping my true feelings at arms length. I thought of those fantasies in the same way that I think of being a Rock Star, or being a superhero. It was nice to think about, but would never come true. And I thought that way up until I started creating my caps. Part of that creative process is looking within myself... what do I really like. What do I really want to happen. Where does reality and fantasy meet. And while I don't have all of those answers yet, I AM exploring them.
I don't want to be a woman. Right now, I don't want to be a woman. But I can't say with any earnestness that I'll never want to be a woman. I'm open to that possibility. I've mentally explored the possibilities and even thought about what that process would look like. Dressing up in private. Wearing female undergarments under my male clothes. Dressing up in public. Meeting people as 'Caitlyn'. Finding people that would accept me that way. Getting into a relationship as Caitlyn. Exploring some of my more realistic fantasies in real life. Having sex with a woman as Caitlyn. Having sex with a man as Caitlyn. That's about as far as my inner musings have gone, but I can even look farther... taking hormones. Living the majority if not all of my life as Caitlyn. Having sexual reassignment surgery.
Becoming Caitlyn. Being Caitlyn. Saying goodbye to Calvin.
And by making these caps... by really considering such a life changing alteration to myself... I feel that I am no longer an open book. I feel like I'm hiding this part of my life away. And if it were to come out to my family.... well I just don't know how I or they would react. I can't imagine it being a 'fun conversation'.
So I keep my Caitlyn life far far away from my Calvin life. My art is hidden deep in the file structure of my computer. I only view and interact with Caitlyn's websites in 'incognito' mode so there is no record saved to my browser history. I don't have any of my passwords saved and have to type them in manually each time. I even have YIM set to not remember my username or password. So if someone were to explore through my computer and browser histories, they would have a hard time finding anything.
And while I have a full internet life as Calvin, absolutely nothing from Calvin links to Caitlyn. I'll admit that it's frustrating at times. Several of my friends are photographers and designers and I would LOVE to share with them the design work I've done on some caps. I'm proud of that design work, and even proud of my writing... but I can't share it. Not with them.
I'll say that there is a part of me that wants to tell Geofrey to take advantage of this situation. Your parents now know about this side of you... you don't have to hide it. But I know how important a father's approval is. And I won't question Geofrey's decision to continue this in anonymity. So... if anybody has a suggestion how Geofrey could block his father from viewing his blog, I'm sure it would be most appreciated.
I think that calls for a little "why were you looking at that kind of material, dad?" retaliation.
ReplyDeleteLisaAnn
XOXOXO
lisaannspanties.blogspot.com
That wouldbnt work. Dad is much weirder then I am, in my opinion. Currently hes into watching women burned at the stake. (After finding out that my ex had an ancestor that met that unfortunate end). I would have ben happy remaining oblivious to this but he HAD to point it out to me and even offered to let me see his compolation dvds. (UMM NO THANK YOU)!
DeleteTHAT, I find disturbing! ha ha. Oh well to each his own I supose.
I know how it happened. Dad was on my laptop, (without my knowledge), and found some of my more tame artwork. He did a Google search with the piece's title and found my listing as a Henchman at The Wizard's Lair. I have a link at The Lair that goes to my blog.
ReplyDeleteHe was snooping. And the first I hearsd about it was when I was invited over to my parents house for dinner and dad handed mom several pictures that he had printed up while telling her "Look what your son has been doing".
I think that may be the hardest part of your situation. You create and share artwork hat isn't anything that you would want to keep anonymous. It must be terribly difficult to NOT link that art wtih your more risque art.
DeleteYeah I know... Currently I have a lot of old stuff at the lair, about a hundred or so posts at my old blog and a dozen or so posts spread over a few yahoo groups. It comes up to about 80% or what I have created over the years. The rest is kept for myself on an external hard drive and nowhere else. (For the moment).
DeleteI like to share, I like the feedback. And I especialy like the idea that my art is making people happy on some level. Sigh.. Yes I definitely need to finish the new blog. (Already started it, going through options right now).
I want to thank you for hosting this discussion. It menas a lot to get all this insightful and wonderful feedback from everyone.
Moral of the story; log off your computer when you are not using it.
ReplyDeleteSharon Dad's computer had virus issues at the time and he asked to borrow mine so he could pay some bills online. I had to go to work so I loged in and let him borrow it.
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DeleteI didn't have that exact same thing happen to me, but rather a similiar way of a parent finding something... embarrassing about me.
DeleteSo my mother had a kind of obsession with selfies for 2 or 3 weeks, about a year ago. My phone was much better at selfies (due to having a better front camera), so she'd often ask to borrow it to make pictures. I didn't have a problem with it. But one day she asked for my phone, I gave it to her, and a couple seconds later was presented with a view of my phone's gallery. Full of TG captions. I was fapping the previous night (as I always do), and forgot to turn the app off, so when she unlocked the phone, she immediately saw the gallery, filled with porn in form of TG caps. Thankfully she was respectful enough to just be like "I'm not supposed to look at that" and give me the phone back immediately, but the experience was quite terrifying. For the next couple of months I always made sure to turn everything off, even though my mother didn't ask to use my phone's camera anymore. Now, whenever I think back to that accident, I feel embarrassed, but also thankful that it happened back then and not now. Nowaways my gallery is filled with stuff so much more... explicit than before.
I was 16 at the time, and TG captions was my go to fap material at the time. I still enjoy them, but now my gallery is mostly filled with... uh... gay furry porn, so I'm thankful my mother didn't get to see THAT.
Hey Saphayla, thanks for sharing. I think many of us still harbor that fear that 'THEY' will find out. This is 5 years after the original conversation and my family is still unaware of this side of me.
DeleteThe only difference between then and now is that I worry about them finding out on their own vs them finding out by me telling them. In other words, the only thing I'm more worried about than my family finding out about Caitlyn is them finding out that I've been hiding a side of myself from them. I still think the initial discovery, whether it's me telling them or them finding out randomly, will be bad. And that might last for days/weeks/months/years... but it WILL end. Family.... my family... is stronger than any dislike or confusion they may hold toward this side of me.
I'd love to say that it gets better as you get older, but I had similar feelings when I was 16 and 17 and I still have the same discovery fears now when I'm over 40.
I didn't expect you to respond. What a pleasant surprise :)
DeleteYes, I am aware that the original conversation took place almost 5 years ago, however I found the topic interesting enough to comment on it. I don't think I would ever want to tell anyone about my sexual interests (whether they're close friends, family, random people, etc.), regardless of how orthodox or unorthodox they may be. I just personally feel like this type of thing really isn't fit for real life conversations. I'm perfectly fine with stating and discussing my interests online, but I think I'd have a hard time being comfortable talking about such things face to face with anyone, even if I knew they shared my interests.
My parents seem to have a similiar mindset. I'm 17 now (going to be 18 in <2 months), and they are reasonable and understand that sexuality is a natural part of everyone's life. They know I masturbate, just like I know they have sex. We don't talk about it, we just know that stuff, because it's common sense. But this is personal, so they don't go trying to figure out what I'm sexually interested in, how often I masturbade, etc. which I'm grateful for and this mindset really made me open minded about sexuality, which is something the world could use more of.
Well I appreciate you finding this post and commenting Saphayla as this type of conversation is always relevant.
DeleteI agree that randomly sharing sexual turn ons and interests to family, friends, or strangers is certainly outside of the social norm. If that’s all this is, a sexual fetish, then by all means it should probably be kept private. There are certainly parts of me that I share here that are pure sexual fetish. The idea of a man being coerced into playing the part of a girl, of having to fool another man sexually… that squirmy humiliating moment is pure sexual fetish. It doesn’t define me or make me who I am. It simply turns me on.
BUT (heh… butt), if it’s more than that, then we’re talking about something different. There was a time long long ago that I just thought of all this as sexual fetish. Kink. I thought it was the equivalent of a rape fantasy. In other words, something that sexually turned me on mentally but that I wanted no part of in reality. That kind thought turned out to be a doorway. Yes, I still have various kinks and fetishes and many of them involved gender play (me being a woman, me acting like a woman, me being part woman…). But the ‘more’ is that I have another part of me. A feminine part. This feminine part is complex and I don’t fully understand it, but it’s not just sexual fetish. Hell, it’s not simply sexual. There are times where I am simply ‘Caitlyn’. Sometimes when I’m Caitlyn I’m not horny, I’m not aroused, I’m not writing erotic fiction, I’m not writing erotic role playing. I’m simply… female.
Oh there’s plenty of times that I’m female AND aroused AND horny AND writing erotic fiction AND participating in erotic role playing, but it’s those other times that make it more. That mind set, that feminine life inside of me is what I’d like to share with those I love and respect. They’re going to assume the sexual side of it… it will just come with the territory as most people assume that’s the only difference between man and woman.
I’ve gone off the rails haven’t I? What I meant to say was that I can understand not wanting to share sexual fantasy and kinks. That’s private and may never be shared with anybody. But if there’s a gender identity issue, that’s something that’s part of you and that’s something that should probably be shared with those that love you.
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DeleteWell, that's a very interesting and complicated topic. Originally, when I discovered TG fiction I just found myself sexually interested in it (and I know that at the beginning it was just that, because originally it was just the transformation part that turned me on). But as my life progressed, I found myself getting more into the "being a woman" part, instead of just the "turning into a female" part. Captions I read didn't focus solely on sex, but often included the more casual aspect of being a woman. I also liked to pretend I was a girl when playing online games, by using female-sounding nicknames (heck, my current name, Saphayla, is supposed to be a female-sounding name), using female pronouns, etc. For quite a long time I just thought about this as curious and innocent roleplay, but some time ago I began wondering if it was really just a kink or play, and if it wasn't something more. I questioned if I might be transgender, and analyzing a lot of my sexual activity, I would say it's possible, but I still refrain from equipping that label before I have a consultation with an expert (which I'm planning to do within the next two months). I am not scared of being transgender, I wouldn't reject that aspect of me, I'm just... confused about myself, and I just don't want to jump on the Tumblr bandwagon of choosing your gender every day and using medically significant terms without consultation with some kind of doctor.
DeleteBut as you said, you didn't just think of yourself as Caitlyn in sexual sense, but also in the everyday sense. When you imagined yourself as Caitlyn, you didn't necessarily think of yourself as a woman having sex with somebody, but could also be just going to the store or hanging out with friends as Caitlyn, not Calvin. This is the part that I'm lacking - my interest in being female very rarely extends outside of the sex region, which is another reason why I want to talk with somebody who's an expert in dealing with gender and/or sexuality.
Tough luck, real life can be hard to avod, but I do my best. Best I can think of is to create a second user acount on the PC, which would be your Geoffrey account and then have an Admin account that would be there for your other life, with passwords protecting both. Your father would have no reason to be able to access the laptop as admin. (It is always recommended to have an emergency admin account anyway). Just a thought
ReplyDeleteThat is seriously one of my own worst fears, my father finding out about my captioning work. In fact, it's the main reason I'm wary of getting my own blog.
ReplyDeleteSo, though I don't have any new suggestions on a solution, I have to express my deepest sympathies. I think the only way to do it is, sadly, exactly what Caitlyn suggested, make a new blog with no links to the old. Oh, and NEVER let anyone borrow your computer. If he asks why just say that he violated your trust when he went snooping around.
Raven,
DeleteI wouldn't let that fear stop you from making your own blog. So long as you don't link your 'real' identity to the blog you should be fine. I actually share quite a bit of my 'real' life here on my blog, but I keep many of the details out so that it can't be traced back to 'me'. I never worry about someone associating the blog with me, instead I worry more about the art on my computer. It's hidden, but it could still be found.
Now that you mention it that would be the logical way to go about things. After all the chances of anyone I know stumbling into this particular area of the internet is next to zero. I'll have to think about it a little more but, I think it might be about time I make one :)
DeleteAs for finding my art on my computer, I am, of course, worried about that but, not terribly. Before I let anyone use my computer I transfer any of my art that's on it onto an external hard drive where I keep the majority of it anyhow. Also, when I leave my computer for more than a minute it will go to screen saver mode, to get out of which they need the password, which no one has but me. As a system I think it works fairly well.
I agree with Anne Oni Mouse. The best way is to have a seperate account set up that isn't admin just for others to use to check things and keep everything password protected.
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ReplyDeleteAnne, Kitten. You both have good insight. I did that very thing a few minutes ago. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Raven. Im going to take Caitlyn's advice and make a new blog. Im trying to think up a name at the moment. I have a few ideas. Raven, if you want to make a blog for yourself then do it. You put some of yourself unto your blog. And it is very nice when people make comments or decide to be followers. Its like saying 'Your effort has meaning'.
As far as storing more risque things goes, I have a suggestion; cloud based storage.
ReplyDeleteSkyDrive, GoogleDrive and DropBox are all good services, can be registered for many free accounts easily, and can be easily paired with Windows Explorer. When finished using them, simply log out of the relevant account. Depending on the service, once logged out, you might have to delete files temporarily stored locally. On the next login, they can be automatically downloaded. Everything in the folder is automatically saved online for you.
Also, have a look at GMail Drive, if it is still supported. I haven't used it in a couple of years, but it was great for this sort of thing.
Some other options are:
As posted above - create a second account, to limit other's access to data.
Save all of your data to a password protected USB Stick/Drive.
Finally, you could also use a password protected RAR or ZIP file. With RAR, you can also set that file names can't be seen until a correct password is entered. Give it a file name like "Gift Planning - Do Not Delete", so if someone were to find it, they can see a clear reason why it's password protected, and likely wont mention it. If they do ask about file size, tell them you have images of present ideas. If you do this, make sure you have a backup copy! Either online, or on a USB stick/Hard Drive!
With a secure password on any of these methods, all of your data is safe from prying eyes. Usually someone you trust enough to use your computer isn't going to run a brute force attack for two weeks to crack a password! I personally prefer cloud or RAR based storage, as they are a bit more versatile than other methods, and can easily be used on shared computers leaving minimal traces, and no extra cost.
Also, Geofrey, be wary, blogs you follow are visible to anyone semi-capable with internet. They simply need to view your entire profile to see a list, which is clearly linked to from your main page! Your father could quite easily look through the followed pages and discover this.
ReplyDeleteDoes Blogger still have an archive option? As in, save everything into a file on your computer that you can safely protect - perhaps with one of the methods I've previously suggested?
If so, archive, and then delete your blogger account.
If not, make a list of all of your followed blogs, create a new account, follow them all with your new account, then unfollow them from the old one - that guarantees that nobody will be following links directly from your blog to here, or anywhere else.
Finally, let us know here when you have a new blog going!
Posted two comments, and my first, and longer one seems to have disappeared! Hoping its a spam filter that Caitlyn can approve it! Otherwise, I guess I can post some of the info again tomorrow.
DeleteSaved it, just in case, here it is: (Many apologies if it is a spam filter or something like that!)
DeleteAs far as storing more risque things goes, I have a suggestion; cloud based storage.
SkyDrive, GoogleDrive and DropBox are all good services, can be registered for many free accounts easily, and can be easily paired with Windows Explorer. When finished using them, simply log out of the relevant account. Depending on the service, once logged out, you might have to delete files temporarily stored locally. On the next login, they can be automatically downloaded. Everything in the folder is automatically saved online for you.
Also, have a look at GMail Drive, if it is still supported. I haven't used it in a couple of years, but it was great for this sort of thing.
Some other options are:
As posted above - create a second account, to limit other's access to data.
Save all of your data to a password protected USB Stick/Drive.
Finally, you could also use a password protected RAR or ZIP file. With RAR, you can also set that file names can't be seen until a correct password is entered. Give it a file name like "Gift Planning - Do Not Delete", so if someone were to find it, they can see a clear reason why it's password protected, and likely wont mention it. If they do ask about file size, tell them you have images of present ideas. If you do this, make sure you have a backup copy! Either online, or on a USB stick/Hard Drive!
With a secure password on any of these methods, all of your data is safe from prying eyes. Usually someone you trust enough to use your computer isn't going to run a brute force attack for two weeks to crack a password! I personally prefer cloud or RAR based storage, as they are a bit more versatile than other methods, and can easily be used on shared computers leaving minimal traces, and no extra cost.
It was the spam filter. I maker both as not spam so that blogger won't think that any of your posts are spam.
DeleteThank you for the concern and all the ideas Dani. For the moment I have created a second password protected account on my laptop so that I wont have to leave myself vulnerable simply by having my primary account open. I have also removed my profile gadget from my blog until I can get something better worked out. No one can see my personal information on there now.
DeleteThat's pretty intense :O
ReplyDeleteI actually had my own experience - sort of - look I'm doing this stuff, but not showing anything or whatever. It went like this:
I was chatting with my father and somehow I slipped in the conversation that I was writing stuff - I even made him look at some story I was writing at that moment, not erotic of course - but then It came the question: What are you writing about...?
Well I'm writing... Uhmmmm, Hmmmm Sci - Fi, yes Sci - Fi stories, where one person changes into the other sex and... And the conversation went a bit off from there. Then again I managed to make him drop the topic. But really I tried to show my father that I was writing stuff... but not this sort of stuff. On his reaction, the whole telling I have a persona called Alectra is off limits. So I won't even try to drop that not anywhere, not never...
The thing is that I felt guilty for doing this in secret, not anymore of course but I felt that way and I had to tell someone... Not a good choice. Also there was another moment - and not sure how - when a female friend of my father said that maybe I liked dominant women perhaps? Ouh boy I could have told everything at that moment >_>
On my own experience Geofrey... I think that you should make this get "cold" and try to work this with your father saying that you are writing from an inventive point of view. Like the writer from Millenium when his father discovered that the book was full of extreme forced bondage references. Embarrasing for the author too :P
Hugs and Kisses Alectra
Yes I let it sit for a few months with the hope Dad would 'drop it' and stop checking up on me. Aparently no chance of that happening. So im doing this restart without him knowing it. I will be carefull.
DeleteIt sounds like you had a close call with your father. Im glad you were able to salvage the situation.
If you are a member of the Haven, I would suggest checking this link out:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rachelshaven.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=40&topic=27243.0
Lots of info there on keeping prying eyes from seeing certain things on your computer.
Alas, it won't keep people from snooping around your web presence, but paired w/ the new blog and your new sense of keeping secrets, it should help a bit.
P
Im not a member yet. (I made a password a few years ago but never folowed through and explored the site). I will have to check out that link. Thanks for the heads up.
Deleteif this was already mentioned, my apologies, but I feel that having a third party involved could completely solve the problem. use a separate alias (Which is hard when one become so attached to their persona), make and store the caps on a external hard drive, and send them over to a person you feel you could trust, preferably someone you know personally. have said person make a new account and post for you while you control the images and notes being uploaded.
ReplyDeleteIf I missed anything that could be of use or mentioned things that seem to be Nigh impossible, then please just disregard what I have said
Best Regards and Best of Luck
Jinx
I dont know Jinx. I dont think I would wnat to get a third pary involved in my artwork so intimately. I allready keep most of my work on an external hard drive I keep locked up. The only reason the original artwork Dad foind was accessible was I was reworking an old piece that I made years ago before I had photoshop.
DeleteThe new alias is troubling to me. I have to think on this. In my own mind im as much Geofrey as I am my real name. And I have used it for decades, long before I started making photomanipulations back in 2006.
You see when I was a child and teenager I wanted to grow up to be a mideval knight. (Of course that is imposible). But I took to an old eglish version of my real first name. And found it more comfortable then my name. I used it in writing in high school and later with anytime that I wanted any anonimity. Maybe I could use tha knight reference as an alternative? I dont know.
Many routers/cable boxes have tracking features within them. Even within incognito mode, the addresses that you are accessing are in plain text. Not all routers have this feature, but there are other tools to watch network traffic.
ReplyDeleteI believe using a proxy server can help mitigate this, but I haven't done enough research to be sure.