Hey everybody! No cap, no Obscura... just something I've been working on for a week or so.
I updated my bio. I normally wouldn't make a big deal of this. I'd just update the bio, and let people see it as they come across it... but by writing it out I saw a pattern. You see when I last first made the bio it was 2011. I wanted to give everyone a quick idea of who the cap artist was. When I updated it in 2013, it was when I thought I was leaving and might never come back.
But now... looking at the whole story... I see a pattern. I see the both the birth and the death of Caitlyn. If you are a regular here, then there is no 'new' information. I don't reveal that I'm really a woman, or that I've had an alter ego and have been making caps all this time under another name... no, I just look through at some major events in my life and see a more bold pattern that I thought I'd share with you. If you aren't a regular here and want to know who this former cap artist is... well then read on.
Very illuminating. I knew you had some rough moments in those times of worry, but I guess I didn't quite know the depths of your despair. In a way, I'l sort of pissed that I didn't realize that, but you do hide it well.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that I had a big part in helping you figure out the what's and why's of how you felt sexually, and in so doing, brought out the Caitlyn that existed for you and us, the readers.I also knew that you couldn't just kill her off either.
Hopefully you are in stasis with regards to both Calvin and Caitlyn and that the integration went well enough that she can come out for brief periods of time. I am also guessing she'l stick around until you find the special person you wish to spend the rest of your life with, as others like Petra have done. When that does happen, I will toast to your future as I did to hers and wish you a fond bon voyage.
Until that time comes though, I look forward to every post you make, and every comment you write on my blog. Each one reaffirms that you are a special person with, as Liam Neeson would say, "A very particular set of skills." and you are/were one of the best at those skills.
Thanks Dee!
ReplyDeleteI don’t think I was trying to hide how down I was… I just didn’t realize it. The part of my life I was sharing was THE happy part of my life. It took me getting a job and making every part of my life happy again to see that there should be more than a single happy thing in my life.
I think I’m at an equilibrium point with Caitlyn. Making and posting these Obsucras hasn’t’ changed my day to day feelings… they are simply sharing what I’ve had while not trying to exceed them. I’d like to think that when I meet that special someone that she’ll learn about (and accept) the Caitlyn part of me. I see a lifelong relationship as one where you share everything. Even if I wanted to hide this blog away as the most public part of my secret desire… I wouldn’t want to hide away those feelings I’ve had and occasionally still have. So if I share those, why wouldn’t I share this part of me? But that’s putting the cart WAY before the horse…. I need to meet someone and figure out if they are THAT special someone first. We’re talking years.
‘A very particular set of skills’? Or ‘A very peculiar set of skills’?