Jealousy

Cap Failure.

In my recent write up of "Is this what you had in Mind?" I mentioned a cap I was working on previously.  This is the story of that cap... or rather what I have of that cap.  Let me explain in a little more detail.

The other day I wanted to cap.  I believe this was the same day that I wrote "Whatever it takes to win"  I had found some delicious images that got me going on a story.  But it seemed that any time I started planning out the story, it just got longer and longer.  As this was just for consumption here, I didn't mind it being long, and figured I had plenty of time to do it.  If I were just working on this cap alone, I would have had plenty of time to ride that high and finish it.  But I was doing so many other things.  I was chatting with several people, keeping up on several threads at DX, and even doing an IM role play with someone from DX (it was actually in the DX chat-room, but I still think of it as an IM role play as we could respond to each other in real time.

That style of role playing (IM, chat or live) can get me quite manic.  It gives me a real good high feeling.  But while its very creative in its own right... its more of 'in the moment' creativity.  Read, react, read, react.  It isn't nearly as much planning as cap creation is.  So unfortunately I was finding it difficult to changing my gears so quickly.

I did get the first panel done, and wrote the part to the second panel.  But when I tossed the text into the design... well it was to much.  By about 1/2 paragraph.  And editing it out was just beyond me at that point.  Now as I said, I was fairly manic, which also makes me feel rather invincible.  So I saved the files away, figuring I would just finish it up later.

Well later came that next day.  And when I read it I got a descent spark of what I was going for... but that's it.  I didn't feel inspired to finish the story, let alone edit the second panel down at all.  So I didn't work on it, nor did I cap anything.

The same thing held the next day.

This morning I went past this cap series, and made "Is this what you had in Mind?" hoping it would get me more into that capping mood.  But while I was feeling creative and in a capping mood... I still didn't get anything from this series.

Normally, I would toss this away.  I would delete the files and not return.  That spark is gone, and from experience, I don't think its going to come back.   But you know... while I've talked about my process often enough before, I've never really gone over what I would call a failure.  And I remember the first time this happeend to me.  That I started a cap, but couldn't finish it.  I felt really low, and thought that the capping bug had just left me.  That I would never be a really good capper, and that I should just walk away so that I could remember my capping life fondly and not struggle with it until I hated that time in my life.

Obviously I kept with capping.  And after I established myself more and became friends with more cappers, I learned that this isn't all that uncommon.  That most cappers, including ones  that I hold in incredibly high esteem have several caps that never see the light of day.  That never get finished.

And you know what?  If for no other reason that letting some newer capper know that this DOES happen, and that it doesn't mean anything more than that I should just put this cap to bed, and move on,  I want to share it.

So I spent about an hour today editing down the second panel.  I was so close to having that part done, that I wanted to present it close to a finished product.   It was torturous.  Edits that should take me a few minutes took about an hour and a half.  And I'm not happy with the result.  But the 'scene' that I wanted to convey in that second panel is there.

I also went ahead and put the last two panels together, roughly how I figured they would look.  Now don't bother reading the text here.  Its just copied from the second panel.  Consider the text and text boxes as place holders:

The basic gist of the story was going to be our heroin putting herself more and more into the role of Ella's sexy girlfriend and even licking her boyfriend because she wanted to please Ella.  This would lead her to becoming jealous as her boyfriend sounded happier to have our heroine work on him, rather than her.

She would guide him into fucking our heroin anally, but that would lead to her getting even angrier as our heroine tried to stay into her pleasuring role (all the while she is getting more and more humiliated and scared).  That's the third panel.

The last panel is Ella going all out, making sure that her boyfriend cums into our heroine's mouth.  In a bit of anger she would tell her boyfriend that our heroine didn't have a place to stay and tell him to take her home.  Telling him that he could use her any way he wanted.  She would whisper something evil to our heroine, about only her being able to take the suit off, and since she enjoyed her boyfriend so much that she could spend all her time with him from now on.  That's the final panel.

Basically a story of actions being misinterpreted, and leading to the subject being punished for doing what he thought his girl wanted.  Just writing it out still gives me a pleasant shiver.  But when I try to put that skeleton of a story into prose... it just falls flat.

But that's why I have it titled as "Jealousy"  The title doesn't really come into its own until the third panel.  I may still come back and try to finish this.  If I do, I'll post it as a new subject.  But for now, if you're capping, know that we all go down paths that we can't continue down.  It happens.  Don't let it discourage you, and don't let it stop you from writing.